I don’t care who wins the Student Senate elections.

I really don’t care who won last year, I won’t care next year, and chances are I never will care who wins ever.

Now I’m a senior with three full years under my belt (if you don’t count hours), so that gives me some weight. If SMU created a see-saw with people who care about the Senate on one side, I’d be an enormous fat man jumping off a ladder onto the other.

So far, my experience with the Senate is John Jose’s famous quote: “There are too many competing ideas on campus.”

Now I don’t really know what part of the Democracy Handbook that came out of, but it’s probably near the back.

They also moved to bump out the environmental committee. To balance this out, they booted the minority affairs committee as well, so at least close-minded idiocy extends from pony-tailed hippies to the minority-relations fanatics.

On my way to class each day, I walk by at least three or four posters inviting me to ‘Vote for Sam,’ or whatever.

I don’t care because I’m not going to vote for any of them.

You know who should run? That guy with the Mohawk and the loose knit sweaters.

O’Toole for Senate.

He might not want to be there, but if you’ve ever taken a look at the group of people who make up our Senate, I can’t imagine anyone would want to be there – it’s a sickening display of kids in politics.

Not even Facebook is safe.

I’m getting invites left and right for people’s voting campaigns. Sorry guys, but that’s not my deal. The last group to invite me to its cause was Men With Integrity, which I declined because, “They were just a Facebook group that would never accomplish anything.”

I guess I was wrong though, because that was two years ago, and since then I haven’t been raped once.

Here’s some issues I’d like to see the Senate address: my daily life.

I want to know what the criterion for a snow day is. I want to know why every semester they ‘decide’ to bring back SMU rides instead of just keeping it around. And why do we keep a football coach around who can’t win a game and doesn’t seem to care?

Seriously, Bennett needs to go.

I’ll never forget the UTEP game my freshman year. We were two points down, on our own 45-yard line, just outside of the two minute warning of the fourth quarter with two yards to go for a first down.

If they took the ball the game was over; any team can hold on for two minutes. But if we got a first down, we could take it just ten more yards and be in kick territory. We had the option of definitely losing or a possible standout victory.

Bennett opted for the punt.

That’s the kind of thing our Senate would do – instead of taking on things that bother students, like why it costs $25 for a new student ID or $50 for a lottery ticket parking pass, they choose to reduce the cost of service spring break by an undisclosed amount.

That’s cool, and it looks great on paper, but honestly, that doesn’t help me in the slightest.

Here’s another problem that’s never been addressed: parking meters cost more now than they did last year.

I seem to recall a time when a quarter got you half an hour. Now you get 20 minutes.

Say what you want about gas prices, but as far as I can tell, the only reason they did it was to put a few more boots into action. Anyone from the Smith Hall class of ’03 can tell you what I think about boots.

Here’s another conundrum: What happened to biscuits and gravy at Umphrey Lee Center?

I forgot to pay my power bill so Green Mountain cut me off. I ended up bumming breakfast off a buddy. No biscuits for me. I did get an omelet though. It’s funny how you can’t get those all day anymore.

Another full-time food that’s now gone is the burger bar. I used to be able to waltz in at any point between 11 a.m. and 11 p.m. and grab some processed beef and grease – but now that right has been remitted.

Maybe they can put these services in the Bush library. According to everyone in power and nobody who’s not, it’s going to solve all our problems.

So here are some Facebook groups: “James Longhofer for Student Senate,” “VOTE FOR MORA,” “Go Pro with Jose – Vote John Jose for Student Body Secretary,” and my favorite: “Let’s Make History. Vote LuLu for VP. It’s Your Destiny.”

I would like to announce my platform:

A-The Apathy

Seriously, I read through all of these, but in all fairness, you can predict what they all say: “I have leadership experience and want to make your life better.”

It’s really no better than high-school government elections, but when they expel you for giving candidates wedgies you walk out with $20,000 in student debts to help wipe the grin off your face.

I don’t know any of these people personally, and I don’t think any of them have ever made any effort to change that.

There’s no debates, lunch discussions or anything.

I think I know more about my neighbor’s dog than most of these people.

But Facebook got me thinking: with the massive electronic databases and interaction tools like Blackboard and Access, do we really need senators to vote for us?

Couldn’t we just log on to Access and vote from there?

Let’s keep the Senate around to propose ideas, but ultimately I think the decision should be left for the students to make, which is why these elections are up to us in the first place.