While reading The Daily Campus last Thursday, I saw my name in the paper (however misspelled) and was abruptly removed from “the mysterious and ignorant world of Toby Adkins.” I read on to see my family name being beckoned into a good ole’ 19th century Andrew Jackson—John Quincy Adams mudslinging battle. Well, in honor of my German roots, be prepared for a literary blitzkrieg on your pathetically written argument, my ole bubbe Hershel Chapin. Luckily, you’ve made this easier for me than Tara Reid on dollar beer night.

Well, where do I begin? Considering your arguments hold the creative depth of Hanson’s debut album, I think it would be most effective if I took your approach of personal belittlement and “review the highlights,” while at the same time strategically applying them out of context.

“We should care more about tourism than about improving the quality of education.”

I would like to think that someone so intelligent would be able to recognize that I might be talking about sports in an article about a sports program, not the tourism of Dallas. Also, as a finance major, I would think you would support our financially beneficial move to Conference USA. Instead, your interpretation makes about as much sense as Britney Spears being a mother.

“Earning Money is the point of any self-respecting university.”

Hey, Hershey, way to take my words out of context and use them to strengthen your argument. That’s a pretty effective strategy, mind if I try it out?

Hershel Chapin wrote he personally thinks that “an annual slave auction is wise.” We can also assume that he is going to beat his wife based on the fact that he is wearing such a stylish white tank top in his author photograph. Wow, that was both easy and effective!

My mentioning of “$$$” was in reference to participating what are called “payout games,” where one weaker football team, us, takes on a much better team, Texas A&M, and gets paid handsomely to do so. What’s funny is that at one point you mention how Texas should be proud of how Michael Dell started his business out of his dorm room. Wait, you’re lauding Mr. Dell for going to college and making money, and doing so in a way that is beneficial to the university? Funny you say that, considering you passionately criticize this concept in your article. Hold up, isn’t this the same Dell that cared so much about his Texas education that he dropped out of college? Oh, yeah, where does his money go? Ever heard of baseball’s Dell Diamond in Austin? Hmmmm-.

Mr. Hershel, you try to make a point that we have some distinguished alums who give us national exposure. Before you bash the athletic department anymore, just remember that SMU’s top five most recognized alums are first lady Laura Bush, golfer Payne Stewart, actress Kathy Bates, pro-football Hall of Famer Eric Dickerson and Heisman Trophy-winner Doak Walker. Don’t look now, but three of those five are, oh no, athletes!

When you think of Notre Dame, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? I’m pretty sure it’s not South Bend or the fact the Notre Dame is a top 20 school. The same goes for Duke, Stanford and North Carolina. Did you know that Oklahoma ranks in the top five of public universities in graduation of Rhodes Scholars, or that Florida ranks first among public institutions in attracting National Achievement Scholars? Where did I learn this? From school sponsored ads that ran during games this weekend. Do you think those respective schools are glad that their football teams allowed them to have such exposure? Sports are the heartbeat of thousands of universities at all competitive levels. Look what happened when SMU lost its football team. The ENTIRE school took a major step back.

The biggest bone I have to pick with you is the fact that the dramatic pinnacle of your recent rant is quite possibly the weakest one you make. You ask, “would SMU rather have a national title or a Nobel Laureate?” The answer is simple – we’ll take both, thank you. Harvard, Northwestern, Duke – they have both, why can’t we?

As I stated in my previous article, in no way am I saying that we need to take away from the academics to give to the athletics, as you are trying to imply that I am. Do a little research and you will discover that a mere 1 percent of our school’s endowment goes to fund the athletic program. Just imagine how great it would be to travel somewhere over Christmas break to go see our school play in a bowl game somewhere. I’d love to know the feeling that two students named Harriet Miers and Laura Bush felt in the stands as they watched their school win the 1967 Southwest Conference title, wouldn’t you?

Toby Atkins is a senior advertising major. He may be contacted at [email protected].