What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of an arranged marriage?  Be honest. 

Is it an image of some girl of the age of seven being betrothed to a similarly-aged boy? 

Is it a father trading his young, barely-blossomed daughter to some rich pig of a man?  I suppose these images would make sense if all you had to base them on were movies, which I suppose is often the case. 

To be honest, I’m actually quite accustomed to the idea of arranged marriage.  Hey – pick your jaw up from the floor.  It really isn’t that odd of a thought once you understand the true meaning of the two alien words: arranged marriage. 

I have to admit, I was surprisingly shocked to see that Wikipedia, of all sources, got it right.  According the Web site, an arranged marriage “should not be confused with the phenomenon of forced marriage.”  Well then, what is an arranged marriage if not something that is forced upon two parties? 

The most common perception of arranged marriage, which is cushioned and supported by western pop culture, is exemplified by first-year Caroline Foster. “Arranged marriages just don’t seem like a good idea.  How do you know if you like the person if you don’t meet them first?  And what if you’re not compatible?  You need to meet the person before you marry them and make sure you’re compatible and can spend the rest of your life with them.”  

Arranged marriages aren’t what we often see on our televisions. They aren’t forced marriages, child marriages or even shotgun marriages (in which the groom is forced to marry the bride due to an unplanned pregnancy).  An arranged marriage is simply an unexpected set-up, and just like any other set-up, there’s always an out. 

My parents, for example, have been married for 30 years now. Believe it or not, it was an arranged marriage.  It must be awkward, right?  Of course not!  My parents are so in love with one another and know each other better than they know themselves.  So what’s the lowdown? 

Well, just like on Web sites such as eHarmony, a match is sought out and suggested and, just like you have every right to take one look at that nose-picking 40 year-old named Dave and turn that suggestion down, the individuals in the match have every right to turn the suggestion down.  My parents met because their parents knew one another and thought that they may be compatible, but the rings weren’t exchanged right at that point! 

They went through a period of time in which they got to know one another, much like in dating, and then, after much thought and deliberation, were given an option:  walk away and find someone you’re more compatible with, or, if the match is a winner, go forth with an engagement and a wedding. 

Not all that different from Western society, eh?  Of course, there are many different types of arranged marriages throughout the world in different cultures and societies, just like there are many different governmental structures.  You have to find what’s the best fit for you as an individual. Sometimes that’s strictly personal gain, and sometimes there’s a bit of familial benefit as an added bonus.

First-year Katy Grossman puts it well. “I think that the only arranged marriages that you hear about are the ones that end badly.  In Western culture, we’re taught to look down on that because we value individual decision.  But in cultures where they value the group and the betterment of the group, arranged marriage is a beneficial part of society and the individuals.” 

So who wouldn’t at least take a look at a suggestion, especially one as important as a lifetime partner?  And who knows?  It may end up in a lifetime of love and happiness. Just ask my parents. 

Nureen Gulamali is a freshman advertising and sociology double major. She can be reached for comment at [email protected].