When people first begin dating, the butterflies soar, the heart never stops racing and the tingling sensation of a new love fuels your day.
But when you get to a point where you wish to know more than what his/her favorite cereal, movie or band is, things get awkward.
Let’s first tackle the most obvious – sexual partners.
For most people, this is an uncomfortable factoid to resist. For some reason, especially for women, we’re dying to know, yet we’d rather not know.
The idea of our possible Mr. Right having slept with this bombshell beauty with stellar abs and a smile that could make Jesus faint is unnerving. But this information is relevant to the dating situation.
What do you say if he tells you that he’s had six sexual partners his whole life? Our innate instinct is to ask whether or not Lizzie, Hannah, Emily, Candy, Drizzella or whomever was any good. Our gut also forces us to wonder whether or not you’ll ever measure up to these girls.
And then our mind starts to roam into the “what if” section of our brain. What if Candy gave him herpes? What if he has something, is unaware of it and gives it to me? What if I’m just another number to him?
This is a tricky territory to cover. But you must in order to keep yourself safe from Candy’s herpes and safe from making a colossal mistake.
So, ladies and gentlemen- ask but beware. Ask only the necessary questions, but stay far from the petty ones. This also applies to past relationship history. Be realistic.
The answers aren’t going to be the most charming, but at least he/she is putting the truth out there. A number IS just a number, but sometimes that’s all you need to know.
Judge cautiously. He may have had six partners, but he could still be a sweet guy who really does see things going somewhere with you. And remember, you’re not a sissy for asking your partner to take an HIV test before you have intercourse with him/her.
Another somewhat obvious issue is contact.
When should I call her/him? Is seven voice mails within the span of two hours too much? Girls love knowing that you care about them (as do guys, but they’re more mysterious about it).
However, if you’ve called him or her five times within 20 minutes to tell him or her that your new puppy did the cutest trick EVER, I’m sure he or she is going to request some space before you know it. As repetitive as this is, treat your partner the way you want to be treated. A little space goes a long way.
A friend of mine mentioned something to me last weekend about text messaging. He said, “You know how I know this girl really likes me? She text messages me back so fast and so much.” Hmm – I would say that his analysis is somewhat true.
Girls beware though – too many instantaneous responses can sometimes be read as desperate and slightly overdone, especially if you’re in the “I’m not quite sure what we’re doing” phase.
Personally, I think the rules of contact are governed by the worst dating shows known to our generation, such as “Dawson’s Creek,” “The O.C.” (except for Seth and Summer) and every soap opera ever made. They tell us that if you call a girl too fast, you’re a loser. They tell us that if he doesn’t call you in three days, he’s a jerk. They tell us that we’re supposed to date in terms of pop culture’s boundaries and instill drama into our relationship in order for it to work.
In the real world, if a guy doesn’t call you within a couple of days, that’s OK.
Guys have egos and don’t want to be seen as desperate. They are also human and prone to make mistakes, like forgetting to call you amidst three tests and two papers. The same goes for girls. She wants you to know that she really likes you, but she also doesn’t want to make you flee for air. So be your own judge and listen to what you think is the more logical thing to do.
Knowing when to stop yourself from going overboard is a hard call to make. But if you think it through, you probably won’t make that mistake. If you think you’re coming on too strongly, you probably are. If you don’t feel like calling her within a couple days, don’t do it. Things are easier to digest when you’ve had some time to step back and regroup.
