Just when you thought college politics couldn’t get any more ridiculous, the University of Maryland stepped in. Students at the university scheduled a showing of the XXX film “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge,” the sequel to the much-heralded “Pirates,” in the student center.

Before the film, students were to be instructed in safe sexual practices. A state senator caught wind of the idea and threatened to cut off the school’s funding. The university nixed the screening.

Not to be stopped so quickly, students and professors organized a protest showing of the film. The ACLU made its requisite appearance, arguing about all the reasons why porn is covered under the First Amendment. Now, the state legislature wants universities to come up with a specific porn-viewing policy.

Like just about everyone who isn’t one of the principal actors in this tragicomedy, I cracked up when I read about this.

I’m not quite sure what all these politicians are worried about. It’s not like these kids are going to get all hot and heavy watching the film, go out, and have unprotected sex with strangers who vaguely resemble Johnny Depp. Nothing kills a sensual mood like a lecture on safe sex and a speech from the ACLU.

While I’m a strong, often vocal supporter of free speech, I don’t empathize a whole lot with the students, either. I’ve actually seen five minutes of the first “Pirates” film, and all I can say is that if sex is really like that, I’m joining the clergy.

I think that so long as no laws are broken, whatever two adults- or three, or, like, twenty- want to do in the privacy of their own cabin is their own business; I ask only not to have to bear witness to such things.

Since there really wasn’t much educational value to the original evening (who here doesn’t know how to use a condom?) the university had every right to stay as far away from the film as it could get. Individuals dead-set on getting their swashes so buckled could go out, rent the movie, and watch it on their laptop.  

But by making such a big deal out of something so stupid, everyone involved wound up teaching us something, despite their best efforts.

For one thing, we should never be surprised by the ability of someone to take himself too seriously. The students aren’t exactly Patrick Henry offering his life for liberty, and the legislature isn’t exactly guarding the gates against a tidal wave of immorality. Odds are, if the screening had just happened, everyone in the room would have felt just a little uncomfortable and everyone outside it probably wouldn’t have even known anything had happened. Instead, everyone involved comes out looking more than a little bit silly.

More importantly, we witnessed an example of adolescent grown-ups denying young adults a chance to be mature. Many people’s morals are offended by porn; many people enjoy it. Some students would have liked the evening, others would have quietly ignored it. The proper response wasn’t to quash the entire event, it was to let students live by their own moral code and decide for themselves what they consider acceptable.

College is a time to navigate the complex issues of the world. We should be allowed to set our own moral compass. I may not enjoy cheesy porn dialogue, but I’ll fight for your right to watch it -so long as you don’t make me join you.

-Nathaniel French

Opinion editor