The anxiety that preludes the first day of college can only be intensified if someone does not know the campus – nor the country.
Reminiscing my first week at SMU, I recall not knowing where Hughes-Trigg Center was, what ‘Mac’s place’ is, or how long it actually takes to walk from the dorms to Fondren Science Center.
On top of that, I was unfamiliar with what side of the road people drive on, the iconic fast food chains I saw outside the SMU campus, and the “y’all” contraction.”
That all-too-familiar “fish out of the water” experience was happening to me yet again.
Having lived in different countries for most of my life, I had no true idea of American culture and consequently experienced culture shock.
As I went through the freshmen regimen at SMU, going to AARO and every other mandatory assembly, I was hopeful to meet more TCKs like me.
Dr. Ruth Van Reken, author of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, defines a third culture kid as “a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture.”
This results in a TCK building “relationships to all the cultures, while not having full ownership in any.”
As I met a plethora of people during that first week of socials, assemblies and club meetings, I came to find that TCKs are not as easy to come across as they were in my past.
I found international private schools to be normal growing up, having childhood best friends that were Dutch, German and Japanese when living in Amsterdam. When I later moved to Singapore, I befriended Australians, Koreans, and many other cultures.
But American culture was new to me.
I had trouble figuring out what “Newport Beach, California”, “Tampa, Florida,” or even “Plano, Texas” was like; and based on some people’s reactions, I could tell they didn’t know what or where Singapore was.
I struggled. The first semester I had emotional withdrawal symptoms of my expatriate life. I missed the tropical weather I lived in when fall came, I missed being able to hop in a cab whenever I needed a ride, and I missed being legal at the age of 18 instead of waiting to be 21.
I became narrow-minded in some sense, feeling as if I didn’t truly belong at SMU.
No one could understand TCK issues, like being the new kid multiple times. No one could understand having a huge group around you yet feeling alone because you’ll never get the whole conversation. No one could understand the difference between having a hometown where you born, but not having a “home.”
But time was my friend.
Time allowed me to assimilate. With time, I opened up and met people from different places within America and I learned about their culture growing up. And with time, people began to comprehend what Singapore is like and accept what I am like.
And when I least expected it, I ran into other international students and TCKs. I befriended people from Sweden, Hong Kong, Russia and more.
The international community at SMU was more prevalent than I had thought – 13% of the student population is from 97 different countries, while the other 87% being from all across America, I befriended both parties by meeting them halfway.
My friends showed me In-N-Out, Canes and Sprinkles, how to properly dress up cowboy boots, and even helped me learn how to drive. As they introduced me to some American ways, I reciprocated by showing them different genres of music and food that I’ve experienced where I lived.
I learned how to be open to a new surrounding (although there was some resistance at first) and adjust to American culture, but without losing my international roots. There will always be a place for Holland and Singapore in my heart, but I have made Dallas my new home.