The Single Guy

Ten out of 12 months I don’t mind being single. But when November and December roll around with all their holiday spirit and hoopla, I feel like something is missing. My holly has berries but no leaves. To make matters worse, this is the first year in a long time I haven’t had a meaningful relationship.

The one relationship I’ve had this year was strictly physical. At first it seemed like a good deal, but somehow it left me with a bigger void than I had in the beginning. To add injury to insult, it happened to end the day before Thanksgiving.

So now here I sit in the middle of the holiday season feeling like something is missing still. Normally, I would look for signs. Lately, though, my horoscope has been way off track, my fortune cookie was identical to a person’s at another table from what I overheard and Miss Cleo is bogged down with legal troubles. What’s a guy to do?

I’ve had a few crushes over the past few months. All of which have gone nowhere for one reason or another. These crushes only added to my frustration with the dating world right now. Maybe these crushes are what are causing my bitterness. It’s not even winter, but it seems like my dating mechanism has gone into hibernation.

I suppose there could be some upsides to being single right now. Mistletoe will be a lot more enjoyable this year. I’ll be able to buy more gifts for other people instead of shopping for that special someone. I suppose my phone bill will be less since I don’t have anyone meaningful to call over Christmas break. I won’t have to stress about meeting anyone’s parents. Most of these upsides, however, fail to outweigh the downsides.

I kind of want to search for that perfect gift. I won’t have anyone to visit besides friends. And no one will visit me in the rural town of Meridian, Miss., where my family has recently relocated. I won’t get that Christmas card I’ve been looking for. I can’t look forward to fireside chats or snowball fights. Wait, I don’t live in New York anymore, guess snow isn’t in my forecast. Sure, mistletoe should be more fun this year, but how long is that rush going to last?

Maybe I’ve just seen too many “diamonds are forever.” commercials, but I’m getting pretty damn jealous. Just the other day at the airport I analyzed couples. It’s nothing new, but this time my thoughts were heavily negative. They were along the lines of “she’s too good for him” and “someone’s found a new sugar daddy.” I’m afraid by the time Christmas rolls around I’ll be the Grinch reincarnate. I guess I should stock up on eggnog to make this holiday season go by in a blur.

I know the focus of Christmas is supposed to be about the religious implications and not whether you are single or not, but I’m still lonely. I still like holidays on the whole. I like being able to relax and not really worry about what time to get up in the morning and what errands to run. The only cares associated with Christmas are baking and cooking, decorating, gift giving and how early to open presents. But now I feel like I have this dented and bent out of shape halo hanging over me because I’m single right now. It’s putting a damper on everything.

Presently, I’m looking for the angel to go atop my dating tree. I’ll even settle for a shining star. Just someone to shake my branches a little. However, this year the tree will probably just have simple ornaments and mementos of years past.

Luckily, New Year’s is right after Christmas. Most importantly, this signals the beginning of a new year and a renewed sense of solidarity. Unfortunately, since I don’t know anyone in Mississippi I’ll probably be sitting at home watching Dick Clark and his famous countdown for the first time since I was about 10 years old. Guess I’ll have a chance to make an early list of resolutions. Which will fall by the wayside on Jan. 2, but who cares?

I have a love-hate relationship with the holidays. They can be great, but this year I’m not feeling that holiday cheer. I’m missing that spark in my love life to ignite my inner fireplace. Until then, my heart will just have to stay cold for the most part. So before I really get cold-hearted, let me be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.