Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
I’m sure you’ve been asked this a million times, but how do you feel about long distance relationships? I am a freshman and my boyfriend goes to school about 10 hours away in a different state. We were together for 2 years in high school and took a break beginning of college. Since Christmas we have been together. Problem is, I’m staying here this summer and I’m starting to wonder: Is it all worth it? What do you think about long distance love?
– Long Distanced
A: Dear Long Distanced,
This is a very difficult question to answer.I’ll try to show both the up and down sides of a long distance relationship and how to decide what to do. First of all, I strongly believe that you really have to love someone to stay together with them if you are so far apart. Trust and communication are key elements. How do you know that they are worth all of the trouble? You couldn’t see yourself with anyone else here. If you do feel this way and strongly believe that there’s no one else for you right now, then go for it. A long-distance relationship can be a great learning experience and really teach you that some things are worth waiting for. If you don’t feel so strongly about him, you should think about where you want your relationship to go. Are you holding on to high school romance? Do you feel like he makes you less homesick? Are you scared of being single? Really think about these questions. Ultimately, a long term relationship is leading to the time when you guys can be together. Also, think about how your relationship is affecting your life at school. Sometimes (not always) a long term relationship cam keep you from going out and meeting people. This does not happen in every case, but your school life could change a lot if you broke up with your boyfriend. Lastly, remember that the longer you drag out a relationship, the harder it will be to break up. Decide whether you would like to look back on your college year, and remember being with so-and-so long distance for all 4 years, or being single and testing the waters. I know couples in long distance relationships who love it and wouldn’t change a thing, and I know people who would be better off single. Think about all of this and do what feels best to you.
Q: Dear Nell,
What are the limits on a first date? I took a girl out on a really nice date. When I tried to kiss her (only kiss…not anything else) she freaked out, left, and didn’t call me. Are most girls like this?
-Completely Stumped
A: Dear Stumped,
All girls have different standards on when and how to make a relationship physical. It is perfectly normal to not want to kiss someone after a date (Did she think the date was great?). Since I obviously was not there to assess the situation, I don’t know if you were too pushy, or she just got too nervous. What you can do next time to prevent this type of situation is test out her personality and personal convictions. You will be able to tell most times after a date whether a girl was A. interested B. Open to first-date kisses and C. Willing to kiss you. In the worst case, be cute and romantic and ask her “Would you mind if I kissed you good night?” Trust me, you will save yourself a lot of slaps in the face if you ask before going in for some lovin’.
