My big fat obnoxious review of Fox’s new reality TV show

As if watching stuck-up women fighting over a pack of prettyboys weren’t enough to satisfy our need for experiencingreality on television, 2004 looks as if it will be the year of thesocially inept.

First there was NBC’s “Average Joe,” a showthat — to use a reality TV cliché —”turned the tables” on its star, an attractive womanwho believes she’ll be appearing on a”Bachelorette”-type show by setting her up with a hostof fat/nerdy/shy/bumbling suitors.

But just when you started to get annoyed with the shallowstarlet and root for the romantically downtrodden, the producers”turned the tables” again and introduced more of thosepretty boys into the mix. Hmm…you’re a fairlyattractive woman and because of national television you can hook upwith either Screech or Slater with no strings attached. Toughdecision.

Then came “Average Joe 2.” I can imagine thatproduction meeting: One more shallow ingénue, lots moregeeks, but this time we do it in Hawaii. Green light!

Now, there is Fox’s new gem “My Big Fat ObnoxiousFiancé.” The premise? Randi, a young not-so attractiveCatholic school teacher, has been in lock down for a month afterbeing told that she’s been cast as the star of a new realityTV show. She agrees to do the show, but the producers won’tgive her any details on what type of program it will be until theend of the month.

It’s this type of shortsightedness that makes me think shedeserves everything she gets.

Anyway, as the show premiered, Randi was told that her mission,should she choose to accept it, would be to convince her friendsand family that she had been on a reality dating show, fallen inlove and was getting married at the end of two weeks. Her”fiancé” would do the same.

Should they succeed in pulling off the con and having theirfamilies attend and sit through their entire wedding, the pair willreceive $1 million to split.

But it just ain’t a reality show unless some “tablesare turned,” so Randi’s fiancé turns out to bebig and fat and, get this, obnoxious, too. And his name is Steveand he’s an actor. That way he can act even bigger, fatterand more obnoxious than a real person trying to pull this off. Letthe hilarious hijinks ensue.

The problem with this show is that there’s just no one toroot for.

Steve’s an actor, and a particularly bad one at that. Hebumbles around the mansion they share until the big day belching,shoving food in his mouth, and displacing all the water in the hottub with his belly.

He’s got an obnoxious laugh that gets played over and overand over again. And like a real big, fat, obnoxious man trying towoo someone way out of his league, he’s trying way toohard.

Randi, on the other hand, is proving to be equally obnoxious.Every time Steve opens his mouth, she looks at him like he’sa dog sniffing his own ass.

The “couple” hasn’t even had to try andconvince anyone from their lives back home of their relationship,and she’s sobbing like it’s torture for her to be inthe same room with him.

Poor Randi, maybe that will teach you not ever to sign acontract with Fox — especially when they don’t tell youwhat you’re signing up for.

So far, the producers seem to have laid the pressure on prettythick. In both episodes, Randi has gone to bed at night promisingto quit the show in the morning.

But so far, she’s woken up each morning consoled by hergreed and ready to face the day afresh.

Luckily, the opening credits show us clips from the wholeseason, almost as if to assure us that the show will go on.

Then again, she hasn’t had to convince anyone from herlife back home.

That happens next episode as Randi breaks the big news to herbest friend.

I’m sure Steve will be big. And fat. And obnoxious. Hemight even “turn a table” or two.

Jeremy Roebuck writes a weekly television column for TheDaily Campus. He can be reached at [email protected].