The Olympics are upon us!
Thankfully, I now finally have an appropriate reason to allow my academic responsibilities to slide in exchange for watching six straight hours of television every night. My excuse? Watching the Olympics is pure civic duty, right alongside voting, jury duty and buying Girl Scout cookies.
Clearly, we must support our country when we are given the opportunity to defeat the world with minimal social and moral implications. This is our time to flourish and show our domination as the hegemonic nation we are. And thus I watch.
Actually, we all watch. The Olympics surprisingly garnered more viewers than “American Idol,” which is something the presidential debates couldn’t even achieve. Talk about unity! Citizens everywhere are spending their prime time hours sitting in front of the television consuming bags of Cool Ranch Doritos while marveling at athletic genius.
These events are just too enchanting not to watch. Take curling: finally, a sport where men are required to show some form of domestic ability. These are the men women ought to marry. But seriously, who knew sweeping could result in Olympic glory? Even as silly as it seems, Americans are totally captivated by it. My boyfriend and his roommates have even been playing mock curling in their kitchen with a Swiffer all week. And they aren’t alone.
Swiffer, owned by the Proctor & Gamble Co., has seen a $2.50 increase in their stock since the opening ceremonies. I’m pretty sure this correlation implies some causation.
But the best part of the Olympics this season is the uniforms. Ralph Lauren really outdid himself. Personally, I think the juxtaposition of highly masculine hockey players sporting preppy cardigans is inspired. Not to mention the functionality of the deep-V neck and knit fabric.
I also really appreciate the oversized Polo logo on the chest. I, like Ralph Lauren, understand that the American flag is not a proper representation of our culture anymore and completely agree with his decision to make a fair substitution. We aren’t a patriotic nation; we are merely an economic industry.
Patriotism has clearly become outdated, while profitability is in vogue. So naturally, the stars and stripes have been replaced with a proud emblem of consumerism. The 2010 Winter Olympics have given Americans the perfect occasion to show off their true colors: green, green and green.
If you haven’t been charmed by Lauren’s product placement, I encourage you to visit his website. Take the time to browse the 23 items from his Olympic Collection and perhaps purchase your replication of the “Olympic Games Shawl Cardigan” for $385.00. The cost is reasonable because I’ve been assured that these colors don’t fade.
Logan Masters is a junior sociology major. She can be reached for comment at [email protected].
