This week I have encountered the seedy underbelly of what we know as SMU. You would think it would be underage drinking, the lackluster football program or just KPNI programming, but NO! I have encountered the unintelligent people who plague every classroom and sidewalk. Clearly, we have all run into the occasional dimwitted colleague, but lately it has been worse than Drew Carey hosting “The Price is Right.” I usually don’t go on rampages, but the past few days have been exceptionally frustrating.
First, to the guy who deems it necessary to practice his competition Frisbee twirling skills on the lawn in front of Dallas Hall: stop. You should probably focus less on slinging Frisbees around while listening to “Eye of the Tiger” and more on looking for a lady friend. Maybe you can find a girl who loves golf and you guys will be a match made in heaven.
The second problem I came across this week was the rabid library lady. I may have had a book (or six) that I kept a day past the due date and was hoping to weasel out of the late fees. Despite all my charm and pleas, I was out of luck because that librarian takes her job very seriously. At first, she sent e-mail reminders that my $9 fee could be paid at the Hammon Library – a method I felt was pretty harmless. But the next day she started appearing everywhere. I first saw her when I went for my morning coffee at Starbucks where she asked for her $9 but couldn’t take my debit card. Then she popped up in the men’s sauna at 24-Hour Fitness where I clearly did not have my wallet. I finally had to break down and pay her the nine bucks when she appeared at the Barley House that night before she started letting guys take body shots off her.
A quick third complaint: Those Ugg boots are called ‘ugg’ for a reason! They are hideous and no one, and I mean no one, should ever sport that repugnant footwear again. The sad part is, the lovely ladies on our campus don’t seem to realize that they look like Eskimos on vacation. I beg you women: Please stop wearing those boots! Mainly because I can only imagine the vile odor that emanates from those eyesores after a full day of walking the campus, and I’m pretty sure it would repel any guy who might be remotely interested in you.
Last and most importantly, please follow the unwritten rules of attending class. To explain, let me share an experience that I had earlier this week. I walked into my math class, excited about having my test returned and hoping it would quell some of my post-test anxiety.
As soon as I stepped in the door, I realized that some broad had swiped my seat. I should explain that I sit in the front row because math is not my strong suit, but this girl only attends class to get her graded tests back, so why did she need to take my seat?
I was upset that her choice would force me out of my routine and hoped it wouldn’t affect my ability to learn the material since I wouldn’t be at the front of the class, but figured that pushing through the minor setback wouldn’t be a big deal. So, I posted up about four rows back on the aisle, trying not to displace another one of my fellow scholars.
As the class started, so did the mouths of the sorority sweethearts sitting next to me who had apparently come to class only to discuss last night’s events throughout the ENTIRE lecture.
At one point, I almost interrupted their discussion to ask them to be quiet, but realized my plan would probably fail because they wouldn’t understand me if every other word I said wasn’t “like.” I really thought things couldn’t get any worse as I suffered through the longest 50 minutes of my life. It only added to my frustration later in the lecture when everyone was praising the teacher’s assistant (who deserves every praise) and one of the talkers next to me adds, “Yeah, you are awesome, Gina!” Now, I am normally not picky, but if you are going to tell some one how “awesome” he or she is, maybe you should use their actual name and not something that sounds close!
The whole lecture was a catastrophe. I left feeling confused about the lesson and hating my life, so I decided to write these three golden rules of attending classes:
1. Do not take someone else’s seat because, yes, there is an understood, unspoken seating chart, especially 10 weeks into the semester.
2. Do not in the same sentence tell your TA what an amazing job they are doing and also call them by the wrong name.
3. Never sit in a class that you attend twice a year and talk through the entire lecture. It’s disrespectful not only to the professor, but also to the students who didn’t have their daddy write a check to SMU and actually care about being here to learn.
If everyone would be considerate of others and follow these simple rules, classes will run much more smoothly and everyone will be happy. But, clearly, the only real lesson to be learned here is: Never be an Ugg boot-wearing Frisbee man in the library talking loudly, and we won’t have a problem. Thank you, I will step off my soap box now and get back to trying to learn that math lesson…again.
About the writer:
Matt Villanueva is junior advertising major. He can be reached at [email protected].
