A key to keeping your man is to find the perfect balance between acting too clingy and too independent. (Kelsey Jukam)
Over the past several months, on more than one occasion, I have had girls come up to me with the same problem: they can’t seem to keep a hold on their men.
As much as I want to say that it’s not their fault, I know they are doing something to chase all those boys away.
The best rule of thumb is to remember that most men are afraid of commitment and will run the other way the second they see anything that even slightly resembles a committed relationship.
There are, however, several things women can do to trick the mind of a man into thinking that he is not in a romantic relationship, when that may not be the case.
First and foremost, don’t call men. Let them call you. Men want what they can’t have, and if you are making yourself readily available, you will be less desirable to a man. Like the old adage says, “Who wants to buy the cow, when he can have the milk for free?” This was the best advice I’ve ever received, and (it’s not as though this is some huge secret) almost no one realizes how effective this technique can be.
Along the same lines as the “cow” comment, women should dress modestly but without losing chic qualities. One of my favorite examples of a modest yet trendy dresser is my friend’s older sister, Meghan. Her policy is that clothing should be conservative enough to wear in front of grandparents, but up-to-date enough to wear out with friends. I agree wholeheartedly; so much in fact that I believe we can learn from our high school dress codes.
The amount of contempt for the dress codes I had while in high school is how much I respect them now. Although at the time the regulations may have seemed over the top, now I see why they were in place. If a skirt is not even to the palms of your hands (for most women), it is probably too short for your own good. I may not be able to tell you how you must dress, but I can tell you if your clothes are too tight or too few, that’s not your personality he’s staring at.
Thirdly, you have to find a balance between the proverbial shrieking violet and the feminist man-eater. This is by far the hardest and most complicated “man catching” skill to master.
If a woman is too strongly opinionated and refuses to be pampered, she will threaten the man’s sense of masculinity and frighten him away. On the other hand, if a woman is too high maintenance, than her man will be discouraged, because he will feel that no matter what he does, he will be unable to please her.
The perfect compromise would be to open your own door, but allow him to pay for your movie ticket.
There is no one solution for this problem: your approach must vary for each kind of man. For example, if you are dating a traditional southern man, it’s best to allow him to be chivalrous, but in context with a contemporary progressive-thinking man, he will probably expect you to do many things for yourself. The key to finding the place where your man fits is to look at his childhood or political views: they are very telling.
Finally, look at his relationship with his mother. If he is close with his mother, try to emulate her presence, without trying to replace her. Men like things that are familiar, so try doing things that his mother might do for him if she was here. Conversely, if a man has a poor or distant relationship with is mother, try giving him “tough love.” As I stated before, men like things that are familiar. If his mother was somewhat absent in his childhood, it’s not likely that he will want to be cuddled by his girlfriend.
Overall, the most important thing to keep in mind is to be yourself (whoever that may be). Being flexible with your appearance but putting on a fake face will do you no good in the man-hunting game.
A few closing thoughts: make sure the man you are trying to impress is worth it, because most of them are not. Know that above all you are worthy of a respectful and loving relationship, and if a man is not willing to treat you as you deserve to be treated, he is not worth your time or effort. You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy, but if there is a healthy relationship to be had, go for it!
When I spoke to one of the girls that asked me about man-conquering skills, I first gave her some advice, then told her to also be selective about the men she chooses to concentrate her efforts on, because many are not worth it. Just as I was about to go in more detail about playing hard to get, she cut me off- “I know, right?” I was pleasantly surprised, even if she didn’t purposely use my tagline.
