This past weekend, I decided to go back home to Houston. My best friend had a show running that I really wanted to see. That wasn’t the only reason I decided to go home. I hadn’t had Luby’s in a while, and I can’t find any around here.

So after packing up, I got on the road around noon. I had an awesome playlist that would take care of the entire trip. I work very hard on my iPod playlists. They’re pretty important.

As I was on the outskirts of Rice, Texas, I noticed on the other side of I-45 that a younger kid around my age had been pulled over by a State Trooper. I always find this stuff amusing because, well, it’s not me.

I drove past him with a little chuckle. After all, he was stupid enough to get caught doing something worthy of being pulled over (speeding, I assumed). What about that isn’t comical? I had my music playing and was the last car in a series of five or so, who were all in the left lane going well over the speed limit. Everything was going great; that is, until the song ended.

As the next track started, I heard a sound that I had been “graced” with hearing only once before. That sound, fellow followers of the John Paul Green Project, was a cop siren. I had been signaled to surrender control of my vehicle and exit the freeway as soon and as I safely could.

What I proceeded to say cannot be put into print. Those words would get me fired as a columnist. I cannot write those words here. Just guess what those words are.

So, I exited the freeway, drove over the bridge that was above the freeway and pulled into a small gas station. I put the car in park. My heartbeat picked up. I looked like a hot mess. I knew I wouldn’t be able to win him over with my good looks.

He approaches my car. “Any reason why you were going so fast back there?”

Me: “Uh…not really. Just trying to get home.”

Police: “Oh yeah? Where’s home?”

Me: “Houston. Texas.”

Police: “I know where Houston is. Why are you up in Dallas?”

Me: “For college.”

Police: “Oh yeah? What school?”

Me: “Southern Methodist University.”

Police: “No way. You’re the fifth person I’ve pulled over today that goes to SMU.”

I felt so let down by our school. Come on people; bring the foot up off the pedal.

He continued. “What are you studying up there? Law?”

I came to a crossroad in the conversation. I could correct him and tell him I was studying theater. Or I could lie and tell him I studied something else.

Me: “Theology”, I said. “You know, thinking about things….religion…”

Police: ” I know what Theology is.”

Me: “OK…Sorry.”

Police: “Stay here.”

He walked back to his car. Maybe he’s going to let me go, I thought. He was smiling a lot, so I figured I was maybe off the hook. After 10 minutes or so, he walked back.

“OK, I got you going 80 in a 65 so I’m going to get ya for that. It was also a work zone with workers present…bummer. I’m going to give you a warning for not yielding immediately. There was no reason to pull over to this gas station. No reason okay? I was ready to engage in pursuit. Now, the next 20 miles are lined with troopers so don’t get another ticket. You kids need to slow down! Have a good one.”

He walked away feeling great for having belittled me. I drove off and followed the speed limit the rest of the way with a speeding ticket in tow.

Did I mention that the song I was listening to right when I got pulled over was “Instant Karma” by John Lennon?

Karma Schmarma.

John Paul Green is a freshman theater major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].