Cowboys, Bucs predicted winners this NFL weekend
Bandwagon fans: plague of the sports world. Is there a moreannoying or inexplicable phenomena existing in nature than thejackass who only roots for a winner? No, there isn’t.
There are a lot more Marlins fans today than there were twomonths ago. Come to think of it, there are a lot more Cavs fans nowthan there were before the last draft. I’ve noticed that theyalways have their lame reasons or lame stories explaining thatthey’ve been a fan of the team since such-and-such year whenso-or-so did this-or-that. They were just hiding their fandombefore.
The fact that they’re prouder fans now that the team haswon it all or drafted The Second Coming Incarnate is purecoincidence. I only say this because, as a Yankees fan and aBuccaneers fan, I get accused of being a bandwagon fan a lot. Andsure enough, I’m a Yankees fan because I grew up in OklahomaCity admiring Don Mattingly (lame reason), and I’m a Bucs fansince they acquired Keyshawn Johnson, my favorite player (lamestory). So, by my own logic, I’m a bandwagon fan. I thinkI’ve just driven myself insane. Here are my NFL picks for theweek, if you care. Point spreads are subject to change.
Dallas (-4) over Buffalo
I’m still not officially sold on the Cowboys, even afterthis past Sunday’s win against the Redskins. I don’tknow what ‘Skins Coach Steve Spurrier was doing out there,but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t coaching to win. TheCowboys have compiled a 6-2 record against opposition which hasgone a combined 24-38 so far this year. Their remaining schedule isagainst teams who have gone a combined 38-38. In other words,they’re not quite as good as they seem. Nevertheless, theCowboys sport the strongest defense in the league and the 10th bestoffense. Buffalo, meanwhile, has the third best defense in theleague and the 27th best offense. Travis Henry has looked healthythe last two weeks, but he hasn’t been enough. And hewon’t be this weekend. ‘Boys will win by two fieldgoals.
Tampa Bay (-3) over Carolina
Normally, I stay away from matchups involving my favorite team,but this is probably the week’s biggest, and well, it seemspretty clear cut to me. I probably don’t need to tell youthat this year’s Bucs defense isn’t nearly assmothering as last year’s, especially when it comes tostopping the run. In their four wins this season, the Bucs allowedtheir opponents’ leading rushers an average of 31 yards pergame. In their four losses, they allowed an average of 106.25.Translation: If you have an effective running back, you can beatTampa’s brains in. That said, Carolina has a great runningback in Stephen Davis, but he sat out practice on Wednesday and maynot see any action. His replacement, Deshaun Foster, isn’tthe effective kind of running back I was referring to earlier. Onthe other side of the ball, the Bucs offense has grown decidedlypass-happy. I don’t blame them, since running back MichaelPittman seems content to run at his wife and kid harder than heruns at opposing linebackers. They’ll squeak this one out,barely clearing the spread.
Baltimore (+7) over St. Louis
The upset pick for this week, Baltimore is outstanding (asusual) on defense and nothing too special on offense, save forJamal Lewis, and they’re facing the best offense in theleague. So why am I picking them? What do I know? If you’vebeen reading the column so far, you know the answer: nothing. But Ido know that Marshall “I’m a 30-year-old running backand you know what that means” Faulk is returning to theRams’ backfield. Adding a suddenly-soft running back whocan’t consistently carry the ball, no matter what theguy’s credentials are, will throw off any offense, even thisone. I expect to see Bulger throw a lot of interceptions in thefirst half when Faulk forces Mike “Offensive Genius”Martz to abandon the run. St. Louis may recover and win, but theywon’t cover that big a spread.
Green Bay (-4.5) over Philadelphia
It’s getting a little embarrassing, the way footballannouncers drool and fawn all over Brett Favre these days.”Oooh, he’s playing with a broken thumb.””Aah, he’s the toughest quarterback in the history ofthe game.” “Oooh, he’s also a great actor. Didyou see There’s Something About Mary?” “Aah,I’m going to name my first-born child‘Favre.'” Yes, he’s still great. He stillhas flashes of brilliance that make your jaw drop, and here were afew of those this past Sunday. But he’s clearly no longer theguy who could carry his team over any opponent the way he did sixor so years ago. Now, he can only carry his team over teams likethe Eagles, who will probably stop Ahman Green, but have a poroussecondary. I have to say, though, “Ah’m in town to playthe Dolphins, ya dumbass” is the single-funniest line inmovie history, in my humble opinion.
