Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
This is kind of embarrassing, but my boyfriend has absolutely nodance moves. When we go to a party, he tends to try and “showoff,” but he’s a really, really bad dancer. Idon’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m getting to thepoint where I just walk away and come back when he’s done. AmI overreacting?
-Can’t Busta Move
A: Dear Busta Move,
You should never feel like you’re‘overreacting’ about anything that makes youembarrassed or feel bad. Fact is, your boyfriend is trying andthat’s a start. Someone recently told me, “Deep down,every white boy just wants to dance.” True or not, a lot ofpeople with no rhythm just feel like letting loose. Don‘tbelieve me? Just go to the Elephant after 1 a.m. on a Friday.Massive alcohol consumption. Lots of white boys. Not a lot ofskills on the dance floor.
If you’re really embarrassed, you have two options: Tryand talk to him and change his Hammer moves or try and get overwhat’s bothering you. There’s a certain way of lettingsomeone know in a situation like this that you’re embarrassedwithout directly insulting that person: pure, unadulterated comedy!Sometimes making fun of him a little bit (“I’m not sureabout the whole ‘White boys can’t jump’ things,but damn, they sure can’t dance!”), in a joking waywill make him aware of how you feel. Maybe he just likes to goofoff, or maybe he likes to dance after consuming a couple ofrefreshing libations. Who knows? If you really want to tone downthe “white man jiggle dance,” go out there and joinhim. You’ll give him some direction and a smile.
I’ve learned that the biggest lesson of relationships ispicking your battles. Let the small stuff go and save your”weapons of mass destruction” for what you really careabout. So what if he looks like a giant Cheesy Poof? If he’shappy and having fun, you might want to consider just seeing it asone of his silly quirks. Bad dancing is at most a sight for soreeyes, so cut your losses and takes pride in being the girlfriend of”that guy who breaks it down … Koshy style.”
Q: Dear Nell,
The girl I just started seeing flirts with everyone! It seemslike most of it is just friendly conversation, but I feel likeI’m left out of stuff and could never really be the only guyshe focuses on. She’s really loyal, but I feel like I’mmad at her all the time. Is she one of those “not ready tosettle down” types?
-On the Sidelines … of Hell!
A: Dear … of Hell,
This is a very common college problem that I’ve been askedmany times. Half of this dilemma regards her “flirts witheveryone” and half regards you “left out ofstuff.” Treat it like an STD and go right to the source ofthe problem.
There is the chance that this girl is the “not ready tosettle down” type. This means she is a free spirit, lookingto have fun, meet new people and not have anything to tie her down.If so, watch out for getting your heart too involved (these girlsare easy to fall for) and just have fun with her. I think —and in most cases this is true — that this girl is just verysociable and likes the company of others. What you see as flirtingmay just be her talking to and socializing with people she knows.This can be hard if the other partner in the relationship isintroverted and is not used to someone so open and amicable. Tellher that she makes you feel left out and that she should try andincorporate you into more of what she is doing. That leads me tothe other part of this problem … you.
Half of everything in life is what happens, and half is how youreact to it. It seems like this girl’s sociability in someway makes you feel unimportant and not desirable. Different typesof people will react differently to this situation. People who areconfident and don’t rely on other people for reassurancewould probably not be bothered by this situation if they even tooknotice of it.
If you feel left out and mad all the time, maybe you should lookat why. If this really does bother you, then get out of thesituation and go talk to people you know. Don’t let herbother you. Make yourself too busy to even notice it. Alwaysremember to have fun and enjoy yourself independently of you dateor anyone else. Good luck.
