… And we’re off!
As I sit down to slam out another few paragraphs of witty wisdom, I realize that my Friday column before Fall Break will hold the attention of students numbered in at least the tens.
That being said …
Ah, SMU, this plot of groomed landscape, this pride of Texas academia, this realm of progressive thought. Yeah right. To slightly alter a line from Woody Allen: Yogurt has more active culture than SMU.
In the student center, little ones, sushi is served. For those of us whose parents are nice enough to provide us with money for textbooks and occasional meals on Pony, what can we think of this choice? Sushi should be a rarity, a reward. I don’t eat the stuff (eating uncooked raw fish flesh? How brutal. I’ll have a steak, please). But we here at SMU deserve only the best, I suppose …
The caviar was a touch salty today, Pierre.
Nobody goes to our home football games. We were in this last one, kiddies; we held the lead after three quarters. We have school spirit like Florida State has academic reputation. There is more fanfare surrounding Highland Park games.
Where have you gone, Eric Dickerson?
The athletic facilities available to us are in similar shape to Joan Rivers face: desperately in need of more work. Other schools like TCU and UT have bigger buildings dedicated to badminton. But at least we have sushi for lunch.
Racquetball, anyone?
The commentary page of our fine newspaper is filled with bickering ad homonym attacks, pitiful self-glorifying reflection and my prose. Why can’t we address real issues, potentially changing our generally narrow outlooks? If it wasn’t for the editorial section, we’d be worthless.
Kate Spade was, like, so three years ago.
What in the heck is this “glory hole” fiasco? It’s in the police reports bi-weekly and articles have been written about it. I don’t feel like chatting about the topic of homosexuality, but hey, guys, do what all self-respecting closet homosexuals do. Take it to a rest stop.
I’ll wait for the gas station to pee.
Why can’t I park in the same area code as my classroom? We just built two vast structures for learning that cost millions of dollars, but who can get to class to learn when they have to park near the Texas/Oklahoma boarder? Look, powers that be. We have 1.3 cars per student here. Another parking garage would be dandy.
Taxi!
Who are the unaffiliated-men I always read about in the SMU police reports? This band of villains creates more havoc than a swarm of Africanized honeybees. We should ask the FBI for a crime squad to halt the progress of this infamous gang, the unaffiliated-men.
Another parking ticket? Good work, DPS.
Does anyone around here every put down the bottle and remote to read a book? I realize that the four of you still reading this deep into a column the day before Fall Break probably read from time to time, but what about the rest of them? If there was a book that gave every answer to every exam we had, nobody would read it, because it would be more than 100 pages long.
Oh jeez, how am I supposed to read this nine page assignment? I have to get to the student center for sushi!
