Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
Why are guys so weirded out by [pleasure-inducing devices]? My boyfriend thinks that it’s a cheap substitute for the real thing and is offended by it. Do all guys think this way?
– The Energizer Bunny
A: Dear Energizer Bunny,
[pleasure-inducing devices] are, as all toys, personal preference. Some guys do feel like their performance is not good enough if their girlfriend has to use said device. Some guys, however, love the idea of a woman who is in touch with herself (no pun intended). If you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend’s feelings, have your one-on-one fun in your spare time. This way, you will be happy and your boyfriend will have his ego back.
Q: Dear Nell,
I know I’m not the only one in this. Sometimes with my boyfriend I get self-conscious in bed. I’m worrying about whether I’m too fat or what he’s thinking about how I look. I’m trying to stop thinking about it, but it’s hard and sometimes ruins the whole mood. Is there anything I can do to feel better about things?
– Under the Covers
A: Dear Under the Covers,
Surprisingly, you pretty much answered your question yourself. Hmm … let’s think about this. What do guys think about in bed? How big your thighs look in the light? How disproportioned your body is? Any guy I talked to this about asked me, “Are we talking about a naked girl?” The most common response was “A naked girl? I don’t even think I’d be looking at her thighs…” There’s your answer. No guy I know of would be in bed with a woman and trying to decide what was weird about her body. A (clothed) woman maybe a few guys would scrutinize her, but not a naked girl. All guys can think about is what will take place in the next one to 11 minutes. Don’t think twice about what your boyfriend will think about you in bed. A woman who acts and feels sexy is so go into anything thinking how irresistible you are. I promise that he will think so, too.
Q: Dear Nell,
A girl I really liked ended up dumping me for pretty much no reason. I felt really hurt by her and now that I’m dating someone new, I’m always really suspicious of her. If she says she’s tired (and I know she really is), I get angry and try to see if by chance she’s mad at me or likes someone else. I’m driving myself insane! Should I break up with my new girlfriend?
– Totally Confused
A: Dear Confused,
NO! Do not break up with her. By doing this you would only repeat what your old girlfriend did to you. I think you are so suspicious of your new girlfriend because, subconsciously, you don’t want to get hurt again. This is a normal reaction for people who have had their hearts broken before. Though it sounds like you’ve moved on, those feelings of being rejected and hurt are carrying over to your new relationship, and you are trying safeguard yourself from feeling the way you did before. This is called the “condom effect” an d is done by most people sometime in their lives. People who have recently had their heart broken put an invisible condom over their emotions. They go through the motions with someone new, but either don’t let themselves get too close or they are always suspicious or paranoid about their partners. While this may be hard, you will have to realize what you are doing and stop. Your reactions toward your girlfriend may hurt her, cause her to put on her “invisible condom,” and hurt someone else. My advice to you comes straight from the mouth of Will Smith’s song, “Just the Two of Us”: “One day some girl’s gonna break your heart, and there ain’t no pain like from the opposite sex. Gonna hurt bad, but don’t take it out on the next.” A new person means a new start, so give your girlfriend a chance. Take off your “invisible condom” and see that your girlfriend might help you get over your broken heart …
