Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
Is there anything I can do to make my girlfriend wear a thong? The granny-panties just aren’t cutting it right now.
– Bootylicious
A: Dear Bootylicious,
Yes and no. You can’t make anyone do anything, but you can make “strong suggestions.” Consider this: If your girlfriend wears “12 pairs for $5” Sams pack undies, she likes being comfortable. Have you ever tried on an undergarment made of dental floss? I doubt you will get your girlfriend to wear thongs everyday, but you might be able to get her to wear one occasionally. You would wear a hideous snow man sweater for your grandmother if she made it for you, right? I’m not suggesting you take up “Art of Thong-Weaving,” but I think that if you bought your girlfriend some, she would feel a little obligated to wear one for you at least once. Make sure you know her size (S does not stand for sexy) and make it a gift. If you are not comfortable enough to do this, make a hint to her sometime when you are watching TV or browsing through a magazine. She should understand. If she flat out rejects you and says, “I’ll wear a thong if you do,” you may want to go to extreme measures. Visit www.lingerieman.com and shop away (the “Cotton Yanker” is on sale this week). Yeah, it will be uncomfortable, but just what price would you pay for eternal glory?
Q: Dear Nell,
There is a girl that I have liked for a long time. We have become friends, and I really like hanging out with her but I have fallen for her badly. I have let her know that I like her and I treat her better than the guys that she likes but she does not seem to be interested in me. The guys that she likes take her for granted and don’t treat her with the respect she deserves. Why is it that the girls always fall for the guys that treat them worse than the guys that treat them the way they deserve?
– Confused
A: Dear Confused,
Surprisingly, a lot of girls stay with guys who don’t treat them right. The line, “He doesn’t really mean it” probably is the most commonly said thing in abusive relationships. I’m assuming that the girl you are talking about is not in any physical danger; she is only not being treated as well as she should. I think that some girls need comfort and like to have someone that they have to work to keep. The problem is that some of these girls wind up wanting guys who are “bad boys,” and don’t treat them well. Do they like it? I actually think that some do. Being in a relationship with a “nice guy” is easy and fairly un-problematic. A “bad boy,” however, causes problems, fights, and most importantly, the feeling that a girl needs to fight to keep him. A good friend of mine had a great boyfriend (a really nice guy) and left him for a guy who was his exact opposite: a player, alcohol and drug abuser, and an un-gentleman. Why did she go for the guy who treated her like crap? It was exciting, new and she never knew what was going to happen the next day. Her old boyfriend, while a real gentlemen, became boring and predictable. Now that you know why girls do this, I’ll tell you what you want to do to get this girl. In all honesty and seriousness, tell her exactly why you blow the other guys out of the water: What you can do for her, how much you care about her and how nuts you get about seeing her with jerks. Don’t let her give you any “buts” and make sure you are honest and sincere. Such a strong, direct message will at least make her think about what she is doing. As for my friend, her wild monkey bad boy just stopped calling her one day, and she really wished that she had the stability and comfort of her nice boyfriend. Good luck – it sounds like you are her best option.
In Response to “Ask Chris Tolles”
A “2-ton duallie” is a large truck or rig that has twice as many tires in the back as in the front, making the rear wheelbase wider than the one on the front.
