When will my prince come?

After listening to several friends talk about their break-ups, I have decided to dedicate a column to this topic and hopefully never mention it again. This column is dedicated to all the women out there, like Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes and yes, even Samantha Jones. Your turn is coming – just open your eyes.

Break-ups can be harmful to your self-esteem and make you hug that pint of Haagen-Dazs – but they’re not isolated incidents of failure. I’ve heard my friends talk about their ex-boyfriends on countless occasions, and, in the end, it’s pretty much the same story.

You tell your friend, “You could do so much better. He was a jerk. He doesn’t know his elbow from his feet.” And after listening to friends rave about how great you are, you suddenly rise out of the depressive state and move on to an angrier one. But the real question you should ask yourself is: What did you expect?

Realize that this is college. We’re in a sheltered and artificial environment. Most of us have no concrete idea of what successful relationships are supposed to look like, except of course from the mold of our parents.

Movies like “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” “Serendipity” and “Sixteen Candles” make us take a deep breath, sigh and hope for our futures, but these films also send us into a fantasy world that only exists on the big screen.

If we see enough of these movies and TV shows with the same message and perfect heroic men, we start to hope it’s true. And the reality of life, love and relationships begins to dwindle away the same way our last boyfriends did.

If we go into every relationship putting all our eggs in one basket hoping for this one to be THE ONE, we’re setting ourselves up for immediate failure. Not only are you placing a tacit pressure on the guy you’re dating, who probably has no idea what he’s getting himself into, but you’re being unfair to yourself.

There’s no imminent hurry to get married, make babies and have a 401K. Most women make the mistake of waiting to be rescued or rescue men by attempting to “fix” them, only to be disappointed and find he won’t change his ways.

And, some women mistake sex for seriousness. While they might be thinking it’s a step in the right futuristic direction, they also don’t realize that most men are thinking, “Great! I’m having sex,” and aren’t on the same serious path.

For most females, the assurance of being nurtured eternally drives us to behave in this fashion. But, know this – my aunt, who recently got engaged to a man she’s known for about 10 years, spent her life all over the nation making big movies, traveling around the world, getting to know herself and delving into why she has certain beliefs and basically enjoying life. And, from all of the knowledge gained from that span of time, she’s able to give that much more to her current fiance.

Relax. Take the time to get to know the person you’re potentially interested in and look for substance. And, most importantly, take the time to get to know yourself and maximize your dreams before you give yourself away and no longer have those options.

Find the soul you need to be with, not the body. And, if you don’t wholly click, that’s okay. It could just be bad timing. It’s not a failure. It’s a trial run. It’s like test driving a car before you buy it.

As my dad says, “The prince won’t ride up on a horse. That rarely happens. The real prince is standing right next to you as you’re waiting for the perfect prince that may never come. Sometimes the imperfect can be perfect.”