As an Italian-Honduran, I grew up with the gift of belonging to two cultures. I was born in San Pedro Sula, Honduras, but I was also raised surrounded by Italian culture because my dad’s side of the family stayed in Honduras. Having a dual nationality meant having more to choose from: being able to enjoy Honduran and Italian food, learn two languages other than English and call two countries my home.

So when it came to college, I thought my experience would be different from other Hondurans. I already didn’t belong to one place, which was emphasized by my accent, so dealing with change wasn’t going to be so difficult. In addition, not everyone at SMU was going to be a stranger: I had an older cousin attending and many of my classmates were also going. Even though I wanted to make new friends, it was still nice to know there were going to be familiar faces around. Although I would miss the comfort of my home, I was excited for college and saw it as a chance to reinvent myself.

However, when I started my freshman year in 2024, I didn’t realize how unprepared I was for change. It was tiring to have to explain myself every time an American asked where I was from, even if they meant well. I thought it would be easier to be with other Hispanic and international students, but I still heard that question from them, which made me insecure about my accent.

That sense of otherness persisted, and I grew anxious about how people perceived me. It felt as if everyone had drawn a circle around their groups, and I was either too much or not enough to become part of them. It seemed as if everyone had already found their friends, while I was unable to build strong friendships, which made me feel lonely.

Returning to Honduras for the summer, my mom expected me to be more extroverted, so she was worried when she noticed how anxious I was and how I hesitated to reach out and make plans with friends. She told me that I shouldn’t be worried about my accent and who I spent time with, mentioning that most of her friends were from the U.S. when she was in college, while my dad’s friends were Latinos from different countries. She also hired a psychologist to help me through these insecurities.

My mom and the psychologist’s advice was much needed. Being told that I needed to reach out and touch base with others to form and keep friendships, that I can only control my actions and that people who enjoy my presence made everything feel lighter.

Starting sophomore year, having moved from Virginia-Snider Commons to McElvaney Commons, I tried to keep this advice in mind, but it was hard when I felt so homesick. I missed the comfort and stability my family and close friends brought me, where I could just be myself and they would still love me. During that first month, I mostly stayed and slept in my room, unmotivated to try anything new. It didn’t help that the activities I did in my freshman year didn’t fulfill me anymore, leaving me directionless.

I knew that it was common to feel homesick, but I also knew I had to dig myself out of this hole.

Fortunately, a new familiar face showed up on campus. Another cousin of mine, Ario Ayala, began his first year at SMU. We both enjoyed Italian food and usually went to dine at Eataly on the weekends. It was a restaurant I visited a lot my freshman year, since its food reminds me of my Nonna’s cooking and it was made better now that I had someone else to go with.

As I regained my motivation, I began paying attention to all the flyers hung up in McElvaney. Since it was my last year living in the dorms, I figured I should take advantage of their events. Eventually, the signature event, Tuesdays with Margot, with the faculty-in-resident, Ashley Stone and her dog, Margot, became part of my routine and it was great to be able to befriend the Residential Assistants and other residents. Every new person I met still always pointed out my accent, but instead of feeling embarrassed, I took it as an opportunity to mention my home country and dual nationality.

One of the residents was already a familiar face, though. Chloe DeCou, a sophomore from Austin, Texas, was a girl I shared classes with in my freshman year. Now that we both lived in McElvaney and had breaks in our schedules at the same time, we did many activities together.

We attended Celebration of Lights together, one of the most highly anticipated events on campus. I loved to see students showcase their musical talents at the steps of Dallas Hall, families walking around sipping hot chocolate and everyone cheering and applauding when the huge tree lit up, encasing everything in a golden glow. It was such a beautiful night that brought people of all ages and backgrounds together.

I found a balance in my social circles, hanging out with both Americans and Latinos. I usually caught up with my cousins and hometown friends by going to Catholic mass or eating together at the dining hall. As my mom said, I needed to be consistent to help my friendships blossom.

I learned that I shouldn’t worry about fitting in and should embrace being Italian-Honduran since I will know which people value my presence and accept me just as I am. I’m grateful for all the connections I’ve made this year, which made SMU feel more like home.