Q: Dear Nell,
I’ve had a tough time lately getting by in the collegedating scene. It seems like my last few dates have been a disaster.I don’t know how I end up with these creepy guys! Myquestions is: How do I make sure that my next date doesn’tend up with me running into my apartment?
-Too Many Bad Dates
A: Dear Bad Dates,
Everyone I know in college has had at least one bad date. Somehave had a few, and I have met people like yourself who feel likethey have been living in a Hitchcock movie. Part of this may be thekind of guys you tend to go on dates with. Are they all verysimilar? If so, you might want to think about how you meet theseguys (at bars, maybe all greeks or all non-greeks). If you findyourself drawn to a particular kind of guy, keep his type in mindthe next time you exchange phone numbers.
Your problem may also be all bad luck. I was in a similarsituation a while ago, and found myself going out with a guy whoseemed to be really nice and fun, but soon turned out to be somekind of weirdo.
The way to prevent this from happening is to get to know theperson before you have to interact with them one on one. Maybe havea few phone conversations before you go out. Also, don’t feellike you can’t do research. It’s surprising how smallthis world can be. Maybe by finding out something about yourpossible date from someone else you can avoid another badsituation.
If you feel like you’ve met the man of your dreams (likesome of us have once, or even a couple of times), pick a fun dateeasy to get out of. Just take some friends and have him meet youout where you’ll have an easy exit if things go awry.
One last trick I’ve been a big fan of. Before you go on adate, tell a friend to call you at a certain time. Have a codephrase (like “So, how is Ralphie?”) to mean that youneed to get out of the date. Act like your friend is having somesort of emergency and cut the date short. You’ll be home freeand spare his Shrek-ish feelings.
Q: Dear Nell,
My roommates always flirt with my girlfriend. Yeah she’shot, but she seems to like it, even goes out of her way to playalong. I’ve told them to back off, but they don’t seemto think it’s a big deal. What’s going on here?
-From the Animal House
A: Dear Animal,
On first glance, I’d think you were overreacting too.Flirting is sometimes a way that people get along in uncomfortablesituations. Your roommates probably just think she’s hot andlike annoying you, and she probably wants to get along with yourroommates so they would like her.
The reason I’m too worried about this is that you say‘roommates’ — plural. If it was just one guy, Iwould offer the possibility of an off-limits romance in your ownliving room. Since it’s a group of guys, they’reprobably just being guys trying to make conversation with her.
Have you talked to her? She’ll probably tell youshe’s just nervous around them and wants them to like her. Ithink if you say it makes you uncomfortable, she’ll watch howshe reacts to them.
As a last resort, do the guy thing, and tell your roommatesthey’re jealous and to go back to their stacks of Hustler andBisexual Bliss. Witty sarcasm always works in near-hopelesssituations.
Q: Dear Nell,
My late night [between the sheets] buddy told me she’stired of our on-again, off-again relationship. What relationship?She could’ve just said she’s seeing somebody orsomething like that…
-Late-night Party of One
A: Dear Party of One,
I’m going to assume you’re over 18 (and over 20 ifyou have a steady bed buddy). You should know by now that sex meanstwo totally different things for guys and girls andthat…yes, girls get emotionally attached to sex. You getattached to sleeping with her, she gets attached to you. Welcome tothe real world.
A relationship is a kind of relations shared by two people. Ihave a relationship with the cheese guy at Central Market and thelittle guy behind the counter at the 7-Eleven by my house. If youinteract, you’re in some kind of ‘ship’.Basically, your relationship sunk due to the most common problembetween couples: you are on different planes. It sounds like shemight want more cuddling, dates, who knows, maybe even a trip tothe zoo. You want fornication. Two totally different planes.
To prevent this from happening next time, make it clear that youare not to call each other for anything but a late-night mutualinterest. Memorize the cardinal rule of women of sexual differenceand move on. Good look fishing in the deep blue sea.
