A world of learning
After having discussions in several of my classes this week over Iraq and war-type activities being considered by our country, I decided I needed to be able to connect better with the world as a whole, not being learned in current events. Maybe because I’m a history major I’m stuck in the past. When trying to learn about a subject, I have found that you need to find something to connect new information with what you are already interested in to make it stick.
In case you haven’t been following my columns (or haven’t tuned into KPNI at 5 p.m. on Tuesday or Thursday to hear “The Mess Around”), that thing for me is sports. In order to acquaint myself in the ways of the world, I’ve decided to try and connect sports, in the American mindset, to the rest of the world.
Football would have to go with the United States. From high school football through college football and the pros, football is ingrained in American conscience. Football sees itself as the king of sports and, using ratings and economic figures, can back this up. In the same way, America is the world superpower of the moment. Also, most of the rest of the world really doesn’t like American football that much, and large chunks of the rest of the world really don’t like America.
Hockey goes with Canada. Everyone enjoys a hockey game, because even if you don’t understand hockey, there is plenty of action going on. Even though we don’t hear much detailed information about Canada, something weird always seems to happening there, as in hockey. Just ask the people in Quebec, or Marty McSorley. Hockey is a very underrated sport and Canada is a very underrated country. Who would turn down a weekend to Canada, eh? I mean, what would that be aboot? Also, both are full of crazy French-Canadians, who might have the best accent when trying to speak English of people anywhere in the world.
For baseball, I have to go with Russia. Both baseball and Russia have experienced a serious decline in popularity and power in the late half of the 20th century. Baseball went on strike and alienated a lot of its fans. Russia tried to make itself more open, sensing that it was in trouble, and Gorbachev had his door broken down. No iron curtain, no more Russian power. Maybe this is a stretch, but I can see it. Both are run by rich people. Have you ever heard the story of a young Russian boy from a lower class family who dreamed of succeeding Boris Yeltsin? Nope. And the Devil Rays will never make the playoffs.
Basketball is a very hard sport for me to pick a country for. So, the next person who comes across a country full of freakishly tall men making an average of $3 million a year, let me know, because I want to go there. I wouldn’t fit in, but it would be a good story.
Rugby goes with France. I can see no way around it. No one really understands what is actually going on, and both are full of people that could stand to take a shower. Now, I’ve been to France three times, I know French and I think France is an absolutely delightful place. As much as I don’t agree with stereotypes, sometimes they sneak in, like smelly French people. And have you ever heard the commentary of a rugby match? If you don’t know the language, they might as well be speaking in French. “Scrums” and the like – it just sounds dirty, like I do when I try to speak French.
A personal favorite sport of mine is lacrosse, and I would have to compare it to a Scandinavian country – maybe Sweden or Finland. They have small populations and followings, but everyone I’ve ever met is completely enamored with either the sport or one of those countries. They don’t really make an impact on the international scene, but everyone looks at lacrosse and says “that looks really fun to play,” just as everyone looks at pictures of Sweden and says “that looks like a really cool place to go.”
Finally, we have soccer. I have to go with China on this one. Worldwide, soccer has the largest following of any sports, and China has a whole lot of people. The United States doesn’t pay that much attention to soccer, just as a lot of us don’t pay that much attention to China, especially now with our attention in the Middle East. We all know not to piss off a soccer hooligan, just as we all know that we really don’t want to piss off China.
(This column was not meant to offend anyone. If you are from Russia and you hate baseball, I wasn’t saying you are baseball. I was just helping myself out.)
