Ask Nell

Q: Dear Nell,

I’ve known this guy since the beginning of college andwe’ve hung out, had classes together, stuff like that. Well,I’m getting to the point where I want to tell him that Ireally like him – not in a friend kind of way. I’mscared he’ll freak out, and I’ll lose him even as afriend. Should I take the chance?

-Crushed

A: Dear Crushed,

I am very familiar with this dilemma, as are countless otherwomen at SMU. There story goes like this. We all know the whole”Adam and Eve” tale, where Eve eats the forbidden fruitand dooms mankind forever. Well, it’s payback time.

Now years later, we women are being given payback for eatingthat one stupid apple (which I’m sure wasn’t that goodanyway). A man was created, so gorgeous, smart, funny and humblethat he is every woman’s best dream and worst nightmare. Thisyoung SMU prodigy has many women (unbeknownst to him) who areanywhere from attracted to him to in love with him. Because of oneapple, the women of SMU are forced to suffer at the hands of a manwe can’t have. Sad story, but oh so true.

I am a big risk taker, but before you beat down yourcrush’s door in a fit of passion, consider all the possibleconsequences. In a fairy tale ending, you would confess yourfeelings, he would confess his … ta-da! Happily everafter.

However, don’t get so deep into this fantasy that you losesight of reality. You have to expect that he will either 1) Blowoff your feelings and your relationship will stay as is, 2) Feel alittle awkward, but forget about it with time, or 3) Tell youyou’re crazy and put the number for SMU police in his speeddial in case you resurface.

Can you deal with being rejected? If so, by all means, tell himhow you feel. If you feel like you can handle him as just a friend,hold off. Or, if you want to keep that element of mystery andexcitement, do what the followers of the “God of AllMen” do: Keep him in your mind as a “whatcould’ve been” guy and enjoy the giddiness of a hugecrush.

Q: Dear Nell,

Girls say and do a lot of things, then excuse it by saying,”Oh, I didn’t mean it.” How do you know when agirl really means what she says and does?

-I Love you! Wait, what’s your name again?

A: Dear Confused,

All people, male or female, young or old, don’t mean whatthey say or do. Sometimes it’s drunkenness, sometimesit’s flirting, and sometimes it’s a defense mechanism.I’ll break down the three causes for you so you can spot thewarning signs of what I call an episode of Little White LieSyndrome, or “LWLS.”

Impairment of judgement

This can happen because of medication, stress, illness or, mostcommonly, a date with Jack Daniels. Any kind of impairment can makeyou forget about consequences or simply lose your reservationsagainst doing certain things. A Prednisone Dance or a drunk”I love You” from the girl on the bar stool next to youare not actions and words of that person, but of her particulardriving force at that moment. To clarify a situation like this,just confront that person the next day and see if it was a case ofLWLS. A “I really didn’t know what I was doing”should give you your answer.

Flirting

People will do or say anything to get what they want. In tryingto get someone’s attention, a person will be stricken withLWLS when it comes to money, sexual orientation or pastaccomplishments. Bi now, gay later! I once beat the crap out ofhalf of the Notre Dame football team at a bar! If you want tofigure out what’s true and what’s flatulently untrue,bring up the said statement in a conversation. Once someonerecovers from LWLS, they will probably be caught off guard andembarrassed by their claim.

Defense mechanism

In order to defend a personal weakness, people will say thingsto either divert attention from or cover up something they’reinsecure about. Vague references to “past habits”followed by a complete change of topic would be an example of this.Sometimes a person will divulge a little too much personalinformation, then pretend they didn’t as to not feel likesomeone else “knows too much.”

To understand this case of LWLS, ask about the said incident andmake sure the person knows you will not judge them about whateverit was. A simple, “I’m interested about _______ andwould like to know more about it because I’m interested inyou.”