What the world needs now
Forget about donating to a charity. Forget about volunteer work. Forget about community service and trying to help your fellow man.
If you really want to make the world a better place, there are certain things that must be done. I bet you’re saying to yourself, “and I bet you have the answers, don’t you Trevor?” You’re absolutely right I do. Here are the steps needed to be taken in order to make the world a better place.
First of all we need to get rid of the following things:
People named after states and cities. Cities and states named after people. The only people allowed to be named after cities and states are famous card sharks and porn stars.
German/Dark/Mocha/Double Chocolate ice cream. The over-expansion of ice cream has gotten absurd. I can’t even go into a place and get a regular chocolate shake. The moron taking my order always says something to the nature of, “OK, you want chocolate; well, we have double dutch super fudge chocolate, white chocolate and chocolate marshmallow surprise crunch.” It’s insane. When will people learn that simple is better?
The Cincinnati Bengals and Arizona Cardinals. These are the two worst run franchises in sports. They draft horribly and never sign their picks on time, which is just delaying the inevitable “bust” tag that will be placed on them once they do suit up.
They have ugly uniforms and horrible management, and I am willing to bet everything that is sacred to me that no one in the world would care if these teams disappeared.
Daytime Court Shows. “Judge Mathis,” “Texas Justice,” “Divorce Court,” “Judge Judy … I even think they have an “Animal Court.” When will this madness end?
I watched an episode of “Divorce Court,” (Yes I realize that I am saying that we need less, yet watching them occasionally will inevitably create more shows of the kind), where this man cheated on his wife 10 times and got caught all 10 times. Then when the wife asked for a divorce, he took her to court and asked the judge for all the belongings and kids. To top it off, he was in the court room wearing a LA Clippers jersey and a headband. I bet you can’t guess what the outcome of the case was, huh?
We need to have more of the following:
Meats with cheeses inside them. The greatest example being Chedderwurst. What a brilliant but simple idea. There was some dude just sitting there eating a bratwurst and he said to his friend, “Man, this is good, but it would be even better if it was stuffed with artificial cheese. Imagine how good that would be.” His friends agreed and the Chedderwurst was born.
Claymation. I don’t care if it is commercials or movies, my appetite for claymation must be met. If I saw a claymation sermon on one of those gospel TV stations, then I might think twice before I changed the channel.
People who listen to KPNI. You probably don’t know this, but SMU does have a radio station and yours truly has a few shows on there. Tune in at 4 p.m. on Tuesday for “The Trevor Naughton show” and at 5 p.m. on Tuesday and Thursday for “The Mess Around” where Sean Smith and I talk about all things sports.
Shameless plugs. Such as the one directly above.
