Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
Tell “The Energizer Bunny” to tell her self-centered boyfriend that she’ll give up her [pleasure-inducing device] when he cuts off his hands.
– Happy Hands
A: Dear Happy Hands,
I agree and I’ll let the “Energizer Bunny” read this herself … maybe I can even play matchmaker between you and her.
Q: Dear Nell,
I knew a girl back in high school who I had loving feelings for, but I never told her how I felt because I wanted to respect the relationship between her boyfriend at the time, who was also one of my friends. We remained friends through the rest of high school. Later, when I was in college and she was still back at home, I found out she had been messing her life up with drugs and alcohol, and doing other things. I eventually resolved not to see her as a friend anymore because every time I saw her, I couldn’t say how I felt about her because she was seeing someone else and that she was ruining her life.
However, I recently got back in touch with her, and told her I couldn’t be her friend because I loved her, and it pained me to see her messing up her life and I didn’t want to be with someone who was messing up her life. She told me she has cleaned herself up and gotten her life back on track. She also told me she felt the same way about me in high school but didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to lose our friendship. Should I take a chance and see if something happens with her, even though she may not have changed, or should I keep up with my resolve to not see her?
– He Who Has Tough Choices
A: Dear Tough Choices,
Welcome to the world of Tough Love. Because I am a strong believer in always trying, I would encourage you to take a chance on this girl. If I understand correctly, you are deciding whether or not to “see if something happens with her,” or if she would be a positive influence in your life. Since your relationship has apparently been on hiatus for a while, you do not have to jump into it full force. Why not start out by being friends and getting to re-know each other? I see two positive things coming out of a friendship. For one, you will have a way to truly see if she has changed. Friends confide in and trust each other. Hopefully she would trust you enough to tell you what was really going on in her life. Second, since you sound like a very positive person who only wants the best for her, you may be a very good influence on her. I don’t believe in changing people, but you can help her get back to being who she really is – someone who is happy being herself. Tell her you want to take it slow because your relationship has been so rocky and that you would like her to be honest from the start.
A couple (who are both my friends and great people) went through the same situation you are in. After the guy found out that she was living a lifestyle much different than his, he resolved not to talk to her, and hasn’t. I find the whole situation sad because I think they would learn a lot from each other by being friends. They are now older, more mature, and could appreciate spending time as friends just because of their history together. The girl wonders all the time how he is and would love to straighten things out with him, but has no way of talking to him because of his vow to ignore her.
My advice: Don’t end up like my friends. Take a chance on getting to know her in a friendship context and you might be surprised at how much you can learn from each other. Remember, “Love is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. The bads are bad, but the goods are worth all the bads together, – plus some.”
Q: Dear Nell,
In a fit of passion (and alcohol and spontaneity), I told my girlfriend of three weeks that I love her. Now, she keeps asking me if I really do. I don’t want to make her feel bad, but I was just drunk! Help!
– The Alcohol Made Me Do It
A: Dear Alcohol,
You have committed the ultimate drunk man’s blunder – saying what you don’t really mean because it sounds good. I will assume that this bothers you so much because you really don’t love her. You will have to let her down easy. Girls take those three little words very seriously, and the longer you let her think the words were real, the more upset she will be when you tell her that it was Jack Daniels speaking through you. Tell her that you do care about her a lot but got a little ahead of yourself that night. Make sure she knows that love is a strong word and that you want to really mean it when you say it. She will think this is cute and hopefully let you off the hook. A final note: Don’t feel too bad. People have done worse things while drunk, including naming the Houston Texans, creating non-alcoholic beer and having the guts to make yet one more show with Bob Saget.
