My first week — again

A couple of Tuesdays ago I walked over to the main part of campus so I could eat some of the free food being offered to the newly-arrived first-years and their parents. I was sitting there with another senior friend, ignoring the rampant first-years’ discussions of “where did you go to high school?” and “where can I get loaded tonight?” and concentrating on my baked beans.

Two seats opened up at our table and two first-year girls walked over and asked if the seats were taken. The 18-year-old across the table from me looked up, leaned back in his chair and said, “These seats were made for you two ladies.”

You can imagine how he said it but it would be best if you don’t try to imagine the baked bean I almost snorted out of my nose upon hearing his line.

“Wow, this guy’s game is bad,” I thought, snickering to myself. “But wait, think about how bad your game was then too. In fact, think about how bad it still is.”

I continued thinking and went back to some commentaries I wrote my first-year year. For those that weren’t around in fall of 1999, I wrote commentaries about first-year life, often concentrating on the dorms, cafeterias or the perils of schoolwork.

I peaked with a piece called “Life’s Tough for Cool Guys,” that ripped on this narcissist of a girl who put out a commentary that was the dating equivalent of baiting a hook and tossing it out into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean.

Anyway, my theory is that all first-years are idiots but there’s not a thing they can do about it. Most of my old commentaries make me cringe today, but at the time I got a pretty good response from my class, which implies to me that they were a reasonably accurate barometer. Let’s take a look at what we were thinking about four years ago.

“My First Week” – 8/25/1999

These are the least of the quirky things I have noticed about my first week at SMU. …the strange smells on campus (ranging from fresh baked bread to Downy).

Mrs. Baird’s bread factory is gone now, transferred to newer facilities. I guess I spent too much time on the front steps of Virginia-Snider, by the laundry room vent. For those of you that don’t know, the bread smell was actually escaping methane gas from the plant.

Why is the mustang, in nature a large and powerful animal, represented at school functions by a tiny little pony?

You can write a million commentaries, but you’re not going to change 70 something years of tradition.

Natty Lite must be the official beer of SMU.

Keystone is better, and just as cheap. Write that down kids.

I say that since we are all fated to meet the DPS at some point, so why not get it over with?

So far, so good.

One of my favorite SMU traditions has to be male eyestrain just by walking through campus to class.

Thank God for that.

“Homework is the Problem” – 9/1/1999

The fact that the older people I asked said homework was good and the younger people I asked said it was bad shows definite evidence of a clear generational gap.

My three midterm grades that semester went C, D and F. I don’t think any of those other younger people I polled did much better.

All I know now is that by writing this column, I’ve spared myself of a few hours of German homework, and that is what makes it all worthwhile.

I dropped German a few weeks later. I dropped Spanish a year after that.

“How I Spent My Saturday Night” – 9/8/1999

I know that it was Labor Day weekend, and I know that the Cotton Bowl is oh-so-many miles away, but the amount of SMU fans there was pathetic, and the apathy in the stands made it worse.

I made it to two more games that year, tops.

I want to say that I’m quite proud of our football team. I think that Arkansas has a great football club and they made quite a few lucky plays. I still envision a WAC championship for us this year.

Umm…

To be successful we cannot be fair-weather fans. My dream is that by the time I graduate, the spirit at the games and at school will be much different. It blows my mind that I have heard around campus and read in this newspaper negative opinion concerning our football program. We should support all of our classmates equally and forcefully. Maybe a new on-campus stadium and an improving team will help, but a lot of the responsibility is our own.

Umm…

It seems to me that the most popular thing to do at our games now is drink beer. That’s cool, but I want to make sure that everyone knows that you can drink beer and root for your university at the same time.

You can also drink liquor.

“Start Your Doctorate Early” – 9/15/1999

Painstakingly, I watched shows involving college life so I could study and gain a deeper knowledge of how people in California handle school. “Saved by the Bell: The College Years,” “Felicity,” and “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” are highly underrated as educational tools, plus the chick in “Felicity” is really hot.

“Saved by the Bell” was much better when they were still in high school.

I’ve learned a few things since my first year, a few of them in the classroom. One is that no matter how cool you might think you are now, you might cringe in a few years whenever a friend brings up an old story. Secondly, if you’re going to be a stupid first-year, be careful when writing your personal thoughts and observations in the school paper. They might just turn into fodder for an older, more cynical you someday. I’ll close with this thought from my first commentary.

The way I figure it, after the class of 2003 has been here for a while and gotten used to the traditions and the way SMU works, we won’t notice these things anymore; we’ll just accept them as the way they are. That’s why I wanted to write about my new feelings this week, before I had a chance to become too accustomed to my surroundings.

Oops, I was right.