This past weekend I read an article from a favorite writer of mine, comedian Steven Crowder, about his experience with celibacy before his marriage last month.
He had written several other articles about this and related topics before, such as on getting married young and on the value of waiting to have sex until after marriage, and I always enjoyed reading them. There aren’t enough articles out there that show support for the choice that many people, including myself, make about when to have sex.
Reading them always reassures me that I’ve made the right choice, and they often come at times when I’m doubting how realistic that choice is.
This most recent article was a victory lap of sorts, a message to his critics that it is actually possible to wait, and that its totally worth it. Aside from the benefit of zero chance of STDs and STIs, Crowder said it makes the wedding night more than just one big party, it makes it a spiritual experience that will be remembered for the rest of your life.
When nothing significant changes in the couple’s behavior before and after the night of the wedding, the marriage itself is cheapened. If the couple is already living together and having sex, then their wedding only represents another night of drunken partying.
For me, the decision wasn’t a particularly religious one, like it was for Tim Tebow for example, but rather a more practical one. Delaying gratification makes the reward that much better. Couples who abstain have stronger marriages and have a much more trusting bond with their partner. STDs and STIs are completely avoided.
The only downside is that apparently the wedding night would be awkward and terrible because neither partner has had any experience or practice. Crowder points out that it certainly wasn’t awkward or terrible for him, because of what it signified for him and his wife.
What I ask though, is why is practicing and improving with a large variety of partners so great? Why is that somehow preferable to steady improvement with your loving spouse?
When I decided on this and told my family of my choice, it wasn’t met particularly well. My brother called it an excuse, my father told me how important college was as a time to experiment and learn, how I was limiting myself in an unrealistic way. My mother thought better of it, and my step-mother did say something to the effect of “Good for you,” and I remember her talking positively about some friends of hers that had done the same.
The decision doesn’t make my life easier, but I am certainly proud to do it and unafraid to admit it. And reassuring words from Steven Crowder like, “If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is,” make me absolutely sure I’ve made the right decision.
Now I just need to find a girl who’s made the same choice I have.
Keene is a junior majoring in political science, economics and public policy.
