So your ex-lover broke your heart. Maybe a case of unrequited love? Looking for revenge? When love is jilted, there’s only one thing you can do: adopt a hissing cockroach or hairy scorpion and name them after your former flame.

Skip the chocolate binge and don’t waste any more tissues over your ex, adopt a cockroach and show your past lover exactly how much you’ve matured and moved on.

“Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or caves,” said a statement on the San Francisco Zoo’s adoption page about the insects. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

The zoo is offering scorned lovers the chance to adopt one of these vermin, with costs ranging from $25 to $1,000. All donations will be contributed to the Zoological Society.

Unfortunately, you can’t take these cockroaches or scorpions home, but you do get a certificate of adoption and either a stuffed scorpion toy or a heart-shaped box of plastic scorpions. Also, you receive the elation from your passive-aggressive revenge on your ex.

And for those of you who are simply lonely and single this coming Valentine’s Day, the San Francisco Zoo also offers adoptions of other cuter animals: Red Panda, Emperor Tamarin and a Chilean Flamingo.

Who needs a person to cuddle and watch movies with when you have fluffier and cuter stuffed animals to keep you company?

Whether you need some love this Valentine’s Day or a way to exact revenge on that b**** Sally for pretending to love you so she could get closer to your best friend thus leading you on and breaking you heart, the San Francisco Zoo has you covered. Whatever the case may be, it’s a small price to pay for getting back at your former flame.

Take that, Sally.