I deleted my Facebook account. Really. I did. Why? Because it became a competition within myself to see how much better I was than people from my past – people I went to elementary, junior high and high school with. Even people who graduated semesters before me in college. I would log on and check the changes in people’s profiles – most specifically in the relationship or job status areas.

Stalker-ish? Perhaps, but that’s what Facebook basically is. A way to find out who’s doing what with whom, where they’re going, what they’re lives are like – how they are similar or different to mine, and above all, who was ahead in the rat race that is the American Dream. Sure, Facebook allowed me to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones. But did I use it to nurture and evolve those friendships? No.

At first, Facebook was interesting and provided me with more avenues for social interaction than I previously had. It was fun to meet someone and then go instantly and add them as a friend on Facebook. But therein was the catch. Sometimes when I would add a person to be my friend they would “reject” me. That could be devastating. One friend of mine was rejected by a “typical SMU sorority girl” and became very upset, almost bitter, about the situation.

For those of us, myself included, who weren’t the most popular in high school or even in college, Facebook seemed to remind us of that fact every time we were “rejected” from being someone’s friend. To someone with low self-esteem, that wasn’t an easy blow to bear. Every time someone “rejected” me, and that happened quite a few times, I would wonder why it was so hard for that person to just be my “friend.” Being my Facebook friend didn’t mean we were bosom buddies or that we even had to hang out or acknowledge each other in public, but how hard is it to be someone’s friend on the Internet?

So in January of this year I decided to delete my Facebook account. It was something I had been considering for months, but never got the courage to do. Without Facebook, I would basically be limiting myself socially – no more mass invites to parties that I’d never attend in the first place (but the idea of being cared about enough to be invited was always nice).

I was in my father’s apartment in California, less than 15 minutes from Facebook headquarters, when I realized nothing good was coming from Facebook. I didn’t have friends who left me messages on my wall all the time; I was in a constant internal battle to see who was better than me. Hell, I couldn’t always even get people to be my “friend.” So I deleted my account. The only requirement for me to delete my account was to answer the question, “Why?”

I responded that I had grown tired of Facebook and had no real need for it anymore. The question was a little absurd in the first place and caught me off guard. Did Facebook actually think I was going to say that its service wasn’t doing much for me in the way of self-esteem and that I always felt disappointed after logging on to my account and seeing how much better others were doing? Perhaps I’m being a little too “woe is me,” but Facebook seemed to do more damage than good.

What’s life like without Facebook? Well, for one thing, I no longer have that surge of disappointment that came with seeing who was winning the rat race. Yes, my social life is somewhat depleted, but I feel more in control and empowered with my current position in life. I don’t get all those useless e-mails saying, “so and so invited you to this event or that party.” At times I do feel disconnected from SMU’s student community because everyone is still so into Facebook, but I know there is a whole other world that exists, and that is a world I want to explore.

About the writer:

Jeanette Khan is a senior journalism major. She can be reached at [email protected].