Here at The Daily Campus, we receive a plethora of free stufffrom record labels eager for some good reviews. Sometimesit’s little more than a sampler of a group’s latestefforts, sometimes it’s a full album. For the longest time,this mountain of music has remained untouched for fear of what liesbeneath its shrink-wrapped surface of bad cover art and exclamationmark-laden cover letters. After all, if a record label has resortedto sending full albums to a college newspaper, they must bedesperate.
But no longer – I have taken it upon myself to diveheadfirst into this stagnant pool of mediocrity and bring to thesurface the very worst that music has to offer. You may not agree,you may think I’m too harsh, but that’s the nature ofthis business. This is Bad Press.
This is the last Bad Press of the semester, and I feel the needto go out in a blaze of glory. Luckily for you and unluckily forthe following bands, I have tapped into heretofore-unseenreservoirs of cynical elitism and I’m going for broke.Geronimo.
Tony C and The Truth
Demonophonic Blues
I’ve been in this world for 20 years now, and I havelearned a few things along the way. Growing up with the Internethas taught me that people who use “4” instead of”for” are idiots.
Growing up with Limp Bizkit on the radio has taught me thatbands who refer to themselves in the third person are idiots.
Growing up with bad covers of good songs has taught me thatpeople who cover songs that really don’t need to be coveredare idiots.
With this in mind, Tony C and the Truth are idiots three timesover.
You can tell that Tony C is an urban hipster because heabbreviates his name and scowls in his best “I’m atough guy, really” face on the album cover.
You can also tell that he is urban and cool by the song title”One 4 The Road.” I used to feel comfort in the beliefthat this particular fad was limited to bubblegum pop acts whowanted us to know that they would love us “4-eva.”
The realization that this wasn’t the case has filled mewith fear and anxiety.
What’s next? Country songs called “4 Tha Last Time,I Was Drunk, I Really Love U?” Christian rock tunes named”My Love 4 God Is 2 Much 4 Me 2 Handle?” Or maybe themusic industry will ditch English altogether and switch toAOL-speak.
I can’t wait for that hit Britney single, “OMG, urso hott, LOL!!!1” Tony C and Truth play a strange blend ofrock, country, and hip-hop. Tony C has one of those deep, growlingvoices that only goes well with blues, and he likes to talk abouthimself in the third person.
Granted, he doesn’t do it as often as I feared, but hedoes do it. “Tony C must pass!” he sings.
I can only guess that this comes from the longing felt by somany white musicians to live the life of a rap star.
“Tony C be having lots of sex, with lots of women, andI’m drinking lots of alcohol, oh yeah.” That’snot really a lyric, but more of a summary of the whole album.
I once heard an Oingo Boingo cover of the Beatle’s song,”I Am The Walrus.” Now, I love Oingo Boingo, but Icouldn’t help but ask myself, why?
“I Am The Walrus” didn’t need a cover. It wasfine as it was.
Don’t mess with it, if it works fine as is. I feel thesame sentiment towards Tony C and The Truth and their cover of theBeastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right (ToParty).”
Some songs just don’t need to be covered, and that song isone of them. It doesn’t help that the end product soundsabsolutely terrible. Why not do a cover of “Stairway ToHeaven” while you’re at it? You could call it”Tony C’s Stairway 2 Heaven With Tony C.”
I mean, if you’re going to do something badly, you mightas well go all the way.
Young People
War Prayers
Have you ever wondered what it would sound like to take a badsinger, a bad drummer, and a bad guitarist, put them in separaterecording studios, and have them each record a track by themselves,without hearing what anyone else is doing? Wonder no more, becausethe Young People have done something that sounds exactly likethat.
I mean, I understand that this is “alternative,” butgive me a break. If I want to hear a bored guitar player and a drumplayer with no rhythm accompany a singer who sounds like Bjork withlaryngitis, I’ll go hang out at a high school talent showaudition.
I don’t even know what else to say. It’s painful tolisten to it, and there’s no harmony. No beat, no melody, nonothing. Maybe I’m not indie enough to appreciate it. Ormaybe, you know, I have taste.