I recently had the privilege of serving on a panel for the SMU Ethics Design team discussing the subjects of sex and drugs. One particular question and its ensuing moral implications caught my interest.
If I recall correctly, the question was worded as such: “Can you have sex before marriage and still be deemed a morally ‘good’ person by society?”
What a wonderful question this proves to be.
To begin, if one were to judge according to society’s view of morality, then this question could not be answered. Our culture promotes the philosophy of moral relativity, or nihilism. To subscribe to this view is to deny the existence of any absolute moral code. So, if one were to follow the philosophy of moral relativity, then the question has no plausible answer, and the issue over premarital sex cannot be determined.
In order to even answer the question, one must conclude that an absolute moral standard exists. This would necessitate the existence of right and wrong along with good and bad. With the existence of good and bad, one must realize that good and best are synonymous in moral terms. So, to consider anything to be correct and good is to say it is at its best.
To illustrate: If I were to stand upon the precise location of the North Pole, then the only direction I could travel would be south. Likewise, if I were standing at the very best position, then the only way I could change my position is to pick a worse one. Now, if one occupies the morally correct position (there can only be one correct position) and moves, then that individual would now occupy a wrong position despite its seeming proximity to that which is correct.
Sex can be described as the finest celebration of intimacy between two people. Its physical pleasure and uniqueness pierce the depths of the soul and spirit of those participating enabling the two to enjoy one another preeminently. So, it appears that the purpose of sex is to strengthen the bonds of relationship. Its ultimate result is procreation-having children.
Also, it is safe to suppose that marriage between a man and a woman could be considered the highest order of relationship between persons. If marriage consists of a lifelong commitment to one another through fidelity, love, placing the interests of the other before your own desires and partnered child rearing, then there is no other human relationship that meets the degree of sanctification and longevity to which marriage adheres.
If sex is the greatest celebration of intimacy between two people, and its designs confer a fortifying factor for a relationship along with propagation, then it would make sense that its establishment is intended to reinforce the highest order of human relationship-marriage. This would imply that the confines of marriage would be the very best place for sex.
So, if one chooses to have sex before marriage, he or she has not chosen the best, and thus his or her action cannot be considered good because the participants have the potential to have the best by waiting. Sex is best in marriage and choosing anything less than the best would be to choose wrongly. It is to deny oneself of the greatest he or she can achieve.
Each person has the choice to give it his best and save his sexuality for the only one deserving of it-his spouse. Furthermore, each individual has the freedom to choose her actions. However, one cannot choose whether or not her action is good because this has been established already by absolute morality, without which one cannot deem anything as either good or bad.
Friends, it is not my intention to condemn those engaging in premarital sex because I am in no position to do so. Instead, I am raising the point that he or she is simply missing out. I felt burdened to say this because I feel truly sorry for anyone who misses out on an opportunity to experience the best of which they are capable.
And if you are one of those people who have made sexual mistakes in the past and have since made the decision to wait for marriage, then don’t be distraught by these remarks. Rather, be delighted for you have chosen to pursue the best. I salute you, and your future mate shall praise you for your decision. For you shall surely reap what you sow, more than you sow, later than you sow.
About the writer:
Russell Allsup is a senior finance major. He can be reached at [email protected].