Listen up, ladies. We’ve got some great news for a lot of you out there. SMU is offering a new degree. It’s called an MRS, and we’re pretty sure you know what that means. Basically, you can pay about $30,000 a year to blow off some classes, find a husband, and be barefoot and pregnant by graduation.
OK, sorry to burst some bubbles, but we were kidding about that whole new degree thing. SMU isn’t really offering an MRS, but unofficially, we’ve noticed quite a few students are here to get it anyway.
Now that May is approaching, we’ve seen a couple shiny and rather massive rings on the left hand of some glowing girls in our classes.
These are the girls who came to SMU in the fall of their freshman year with a few goals in mind. Among these, the goal to snag a boyfriend who would transition smoothly into a fiance (preferably a rich fiance) by senior year.
Some of these girls are engaged as early as sophomore year, while others take the less obvious route, dropping subtle hints to their significant others: “Wow, there is something missing from my left hand, particularly the finger next to my pinky.” Or, “Wouldn’t it be fun to have a big party with all of our friends and family, where we could really show everyone how much we love each other?”
Now, while we’re just having a little fun here, Ed Board is truly puzzled by how many girls at SMU actually do choose to go this route. They might not come right out and say it, but some girls have this agenda in the back of their minds for their entire college careers.
From day one, they’re sizing up their favorite frat boys, deciding whose daddy has the most money and the easiest business to inherit.
They drag themselves to class, showing up just so they will eventually have a diploma as tangible evidence that they did come to school to do become something, which of course they never did – But, hey, they got a husband!
Oh, ladies, don’t feel like we’re picking on you. But, don’t you think you could have saved your folks a few dollars and just frequented the bars in uptown instead of going through the nuisance of school for four years?
If you would have just gone this route directly after high school, you would have not only saved over $120,000, but you would have achieved your goal much earlier. Perhaps, you could even have three children by now! What joy.
In all seriousness, for those of you planning a summer wedding this year, Ed Board wishes you the best of luck. And for all the freshman out there with that little MRS degree in the back of your minds, try to appreciate what you’re really forking over all that tuition money for.
Don’t let the prospect of finding a husband stand in the way of getting a real education and a useful degree.