Nine reasons to love Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. I love being with my family, eating insane amounts of food, watching football and passing out over a plate of leftovers. No other holiday has provided as many memories as Thanksgiving has, and because the easiest way to fill a column is to make a list of some sort, here are my top nine Thanksgiving memories. That’s right – nine. Too many people use 10 as the standard for all lists. Not me.

1. Telling my mom when I was around 10 years old that I hated turkey and I didn’t want to eat dinner with the family. I proceeded to eat Eggo Waffles and watch my “Danger Mouse” video. I was a classy kid.

2. Watching my uncles sit in the living room playing the accordion, singing Irish folk songs and what not. They stayed up until 3 a.m., drinking, playing and singing. My sister and I covered our ears with our pillows, clothes and anything else we could find to escape the sound of the worst instrument on the face of the earth. We failed.

3. Watching Warren Moon pass for 400 yards against the Lions, only to lose on a last minute drive by Scott Mitchell. At the time, Mitchell was being touted as the next Dan Marino. Now the worst quarterbacks in the NFL are being touted as the next Scott Mitchell.

4. Being yelled at by a friend of my parents about the type of toothpaste I use. I have mentioned this many times in previous columns; I still can’t believe it. “How can you let your son use that Sparkling toothpaste? It doesn’t even clean your teeth. Are you guys stupid?” Shows you what she knew. To this day, I have only had one cavity in my life, while she got divorced and has remarried three times since. Serves her right.

5. Playing a game of basketball out in the driveway with various members of my extended family. Things started to get a little rough – after one of my cousins called an offensive foul on my dad, my dad proceeded to cuss him out, go inside and continue his bad mood throughout dinner. To my cousin’s defense, it was an offensive foul – he led with his hand like a stuff arm – but I will never tell my dad that.

6. When I was in the third grade, I had an essay published in the Telegram and Gazette (Worcester, Mass.) newspaper about “Why I love Thanksgiving.” The main point of the essay was that I loved my Auntie May’s Boston Creme Pie. When my aunt got to the house, I showed her the essay. She smiled and said she loved it. Three hours later, I found out that she hadn’t made any pie that Thanksgiving, causing me to feel betrayed and upset.

7. Watching my sister eat three cans of cranberry sauce in the span of an hour. It was the most incredible feat I have ever witnessed and I say this having seen a cat fall out of a tree into another tree, then falling out of that tree into a trash can, only to be OK.

8. Going to “Survivor Series” on Thanksgiving night to see the likes of Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Kamala, Strike Force, Koko B Ware, Demolition and the wily Conquistadors.

9. Watching my dad use all the gravy. No matter what is on his plate – it could be peas, it could be squash, turkey or potatoes – my dad will drown his food in gravy. He must be stopped. Maybe this year I will actually succeed in getting my fair share of gravy.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving. Everyone be safe, have fun and appreciate the time you spend with your family.