As the academic reality check that typifies the month of September comes to an end, so too do more and more summer lovin’ relationships. The first couple of months of college are notorious for bringing those high-school-sweetheart relationships to a breaking point.
When we come (back) to college, we think about entering into a rigorous learning environment founded on the tenets of academic and social growth – the university. We could also benefit, however, from a couple of lessons on relational growth.
In other words, we could learn a lot about ourselves by involving someone else – a girlfriend or boyfriend.
As my friends can testify, I am by no means a doctor of love. I am just a layman trying to figure these things out as well. I do, however, offer some cultural observations from my time on the Hilltop.
SMU is largely characterized by what is called (by some) “hook-up culture.” We’ve all seen it. After a night of too many drinks, excessive dry humping and copious labial exchanges, boy and girl part ways never to speak again. Guys and girls throw around this vague terminology all the time: “we hooked up,” “they hooked up,” “did you see them hook up last night,” etc.
For every individual, to hook up with another means something different.
Nevertheless, this ritual – little more than a mere release of pent-up sexual frustration – leaves everyone involved feeling a bit awkward and unsatisfied. There is no sense of mutual care or exchange, no commitment or dedication, no romance or love. It feels good in the moment, but when the moment expires, humiliation and second thoughts flood in.
In addition, the effective anonymity and emotional detachment breed exploits unchecked by any form of accountability.
Despite the sanctimonious prescriptions for the practice of monogamy, being with one person has its practical benefits as well. You learn about yourself when you have to interact with another. Being in a “relationship” with someone also provides new outlets for emotional expression and support.
The proliferation of hook-up culture is partly due to the fact that “dating” is practically non-existent in our culture. Many of our generation are confused as to who should ask who, when one should ask, who should pay, where to go on a date, etc.
Even if one easily navigates the daunting seas of dating decorum, gaining the courage to ask someone on a date is another story. I have had countless conversation with males and females on our campus about “When do you know if she/he likes you?”, “How do you show someone you like her/him?”, and “How do I get rid of that person who I don’t like?”.
The dating scene is full of frightening uncertainties and unanswered questions. I get it, but that doesn’t mean sitting on the sidelines is the answer. Just like in academia, it is valuable to both ask those questions and test the answers at which you arrive against practical experience.
Being involved romantically with another is no easy task. As humans, we are often afraid to share ourselves with another. Making oneself vulnerable and emotionally available is not easy. Looming ghosts of girlfriends past and of failed marriages remind us how painful and challenging being with another may be.
Yet, there is much goodness and growth to be found in sharing your life with another. Coming to college is about learning about yourself and stretching your limits, inside and outside the classroom. So let yourself be a student of love, and you may learn something new.
Drew Konow is a senior religious studies, foreign languages and literatures triple major. He can be reached for comments or questions at [email protected].
