I dream of one day finding myself married and completely in love with my best friend, the girl of my dreams. I dream of waking up early to watch her sleep and preparing breakfast for her. I dream of planning, hoping, and doing things together. I dream of looking into her eyes and seeing far more than what anyone else could ever see. Appreciating the good and the bad, longing to be close enough to be able to listen to her every word. I dream of knowing someone and being known, trusting someone and being trusted. I’m sure it will come true, but it won’t be easy. Nothing in life is.
To some the idea of marriage sounds pointless or antiquated. I can see why many don’t hope for or even think about marriage. The divorce rate is ridiculously high. Kids grow up without a father or a mother. The numbers try to tell us that a joyful marriage is impossible, that it is far-fetched.
I wonder how many people dream of waking up in the arms of a complete stranger or of making out with someone they’ve never been attracted to nor have any feelings for. I wonder how many people dreamed of hooking up when they were 11 years old. I wonder how many imagine themselves on their deathbed wishing they had hooked up more often while in college.
By hooking up I mean enjoying the benefits of an intimate relationship with no strings attached. No commitment, no hassle, no problem, right? The term “hooking up” used to mean hanging out. It seems that the idea of hooking up has morphed into a more intimate, yet shallow and selfish form of interaction that people casually get into just for the heck of it.
I admit it can sound super jolly and cheerful, but is it really? Sheets telling of regret; sweat that tastes like fear; short periods of time where emotion, purpose and meaning is replaced with the instinctive desires of our bodies. We’re so used to drive-thrus, online transactions and microwave ovens, that we also want a quick fix for lust. I don’t believe it is the physical connection that we truly want. What we want is to be known; to be loved and understood at all levels. Guys are scared to say it and girls have been forced to ignore it. Love has become a Hollywood myth of desiring someone while they’re hot, young and tanned. If that’s love then I don’t want it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; no matter what we try to tell ourselves. There is beauty in commitment. There is joy in spending the rest of your life with one person. Why do we handle investments, studies, and work with so much detail, so much care and thoughtful efforts, but can’t seem to see the long-term effects of the carelessness of what we do with our own bodies? If we reduce intimate personal relationships to biological quickies, how will we ever find what we yearn for?
Do we want to see and be seen by others as a means to an end, as a mere toy to play around with? Isn’t the other person supposed to tangibly and intangibly feel love, respect, honor and awe? Don’t we all deserve that? The more we allow the idea of “hooking up” to be normal and allow it to fill the void, the more abnormal our ways of seeing life will become. There’s more to life than satisfying an urge. Think about it: hooking up is nothing more than weak substitute for unconditional love.