The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

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Making history is a possibility

With the commotion surrounding SMU’s options for the new football head coach, I’d like to take some time and put in my two cents.

There is no doubt we have all forgotten the best choice out there, hailing from Follansbee, W.Va: Louis Leo Holtz.

First, let’s examine why Mr. Holtz is a better choice than the coaches already discussed. This will be quick but very clear. Affectionately known to friends and fans as Lou, Mr. Holtz was “over the hill” before Major Applewhite was born. More experienced than the former UT quarterback? Check. Less likely to involve family members in football affairs, unlike Terry Bowden? Check. Never involved himself in any alcohol, drug, or sex-related recruiting incentives like Gary Barnett? Check. Done.

Now that Mr. Holtz’s competition has been cleared out, let’s focus on Chief Lou. Mr. Holtz has coached both professional and collegiate football, though his experience is far greater in the latter, which is a plus, considering we haven’t reverted to paying our players for their work, yet. Major programs like Arkansas, Minnesota, Notre Dame and most recently South Carolina have all been graced with Sir Lou’s presence as head football coach. At South Carolina, Captain Lou even allowed his players to wear those killer all-black uniforms, taking momentum-building to a level most coaches have only in their dreams.

Next, let’s explore General Lou’s literary accomplishments. He is a fervent writer, having completed five books, including “Winning Every Day.” Commander Lou’s most recent work, “A Teen’s Game Plan for Life,” could help the Hilltop’s freshmen find the right path as they embark on collegiate affairs.

Still not convinced? The tipping point is this: Have you ever heard Master Lou’s pep talks on “College Football Live?” Is there a more exhilarating feeling than that which occurs after Commandant Lou has finished a motivational speech? Not to mention the sense that excessive amounts of saliva are permanently stored in his mouth, allowing for only the finest vocal sound humanly possible.

There is a reason Luby’s Cafeteria empties when Mr. Holtz takes to the television screens: Señor Lou sucks in elderly viewers. Lieutenant Lou is ESPN’s answer correspondent to the 65 and over demographic. With a likeable senior citizen as head football coach, perhaps we can restore some booster support of the past, the kind of “old” money that brings in top-notch players to every position.

So why Lou Holtz for SMU’s head coaching job? Because on the eighth day, Lou Holtz created football. And he can take it back whenever he so chooses.

Let’s appease Lou Holtz by hiring him as head coach.

About the writer:

Jack Britton is a graduate student of accounting. He can be reached at [email protected].

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