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Details and reflections on Hillary Clinton’s email scandal

Courtesy of AP
Courtesy of AP
United Nations Womens Equality Fight
Courtesy of AP

Last Wednesday, the Associated Press announced that it has sued Hillary Clinton for the release of government documents and e-mails from her four-year tenure as Secretary of State.

Clinton used a private email for both governmental and personal correspondence. Her office suggested she deleted more than half of her emails before turning them over to the State Department for release to the public.

She insists that her private server does not contain classified, governmental information, which would violate secrecy laws.

“I did not email any classified material to anyone on my email,” Clinton said at a news conference at the United Nations. However, if she is found guilty of handling classified information on her secret account, Clinton faces three years in jail per email.

This is a move that draws a lot of criticism towards Clinton and definitely hurts her chances as the Democratic nominee for president. Republicans accuse Clinton of blocking transparency and are calling on her to release the contents of her private server or allow a third party to view them.

Clinton sent or received 62,320 total e-mails while heading the State Department, and deleted 31,830, which she deemed personal: emails about her daughter’s wedding, her mother’s funeral, etc.

AP General Counsel Karen Kaiser said in a statement, “The Associated Press is taking the necessary legal steps to gain access to these important documents, which will shed light on actions by the State Department and former Secretary Clinton, a presumptive 2016 presidential candidate.”

Meanwhile, the Obama administration directs the heat to Clinton, giving her a chance to explain herself and the awkward situation.

Beginning in 2010, AP filed six requests calling for documents regarding Clinton’s tenure as secretary, primarily searching for records relating to the raids in Pakistan where Osama bin Laden was killed, anti-terrorism programs conducted by the U.S. government, and dealings with defense contractor BAE systems.

A lot of speculation has been floating around of what might be hidden in those lost emails. Is bin Laden really dead? Will there be a massive Muslim immigration into the U.S.? Is President Obama spreading Ebola in a campaign to confiscate your guns?

The nation may never see Clinton’s deleted emails. There are many theories tossed here and there, but I’ve collected and researched the most interesting and most likely contents that may be hidden in Clinton’s private server. And here are the top five:

5. Moon hologram

Have you ever looked up at the moon and wondered, “There’s something off here?” You’re not alone. In fact, the moon isn’t even real. Obviously, there’s something behind the moon that projects a giant hologram of what we see at night. Who are you to disprove this theory? You’ve never been there, nobody has. FAKE MOON LANDING. Clinton doesn’t want you to discover the truth so she deleted it. Case solved, for now.

4. Fappening

On August 31, 2014, hackers released a slew of naked celebrity pictures, but what Clinton doesn’t want the public to know, Fappening: White House Edition. More than 30,000 deleted “personal” messages, or in this case nude politicians. We’ve seen the movies: old, dirty, and corrupt politicians hiring expensive call girls for a little romance, 50 Shades of Grey style. Even politician’s names are suggestive: John Boehner, Dick Cheney Anthony Weiner, George Bush, Bill and Hillary Clinton and Abraham Lincoln (subtle Abe, subtle). On second thought, maybe those deleted emails were for the better.

3. Satanic yoga

Clinton doesn’t want the public to know that she parades around her home in yoga pants and practices yoga. Why? Because yoga is actually an evil practice created to trick people into worshipping Satan. Burn the yoga pants, denounce the practice, and let Jesus take the wheel.

2. Brian Williams

All the unwanted attention Brian Williams has been receiving, Clinton wants to alleviate some of his humiliation. Because in the heap of deleted emails hides a message; one revealing that Brian Williams “misremembered” killing Osama bin Laden. That contriving weasel, he fooled us all.

1. Lizard people

Admit it, we’ve all had our concerns about human-reptile hybrids. I wouldn’t put it past Clinton to hide the fact that President Obama and other world leaders make a super race of advance lizards. I knew it the moment I saw his ears, and the curious way he holds his head resembles a lizard. COINCIDENCE? I think not.

And there you have it, the top five reasons Clinton didn’t want her emails to be released to the pubic. Otherwise, why delete them? Other classified emails that didn’t make the list: Illuminati, New World Order, dinosaurs helped create the pyramids, President Obama is the Anti-Christ, and fake, mind controlling snow rained on Georgia.

Thank you and have a nice day. Also, please refrain from starting a debate with me about outrageous conspiracies because I’ve already lost respect and hope for you.

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