SMU Diary is an occasional feature in which astudent explains their participation in an unusual Hilltopexperience.

After all the hoopla about a bake sale/protest/media-proclaimed”shouting match,” the Young Conservatives of Texas metMonday night in the Hughes-Trigg Student Center. Since I’m anAfrican-American male who could have bought a cookie for 25 cents,I decided that attending the meeting (only a couple hours after ameeting for the Association of Black Students) would be aninteresting, if not educational, experience.

I have to first point out that not once in my extended stay hereat SMU have I ever felt afraid to go to a function. But that night,when I made up my mind to attend the meeting, I was genuinelynervous and scared. I didn’t know how I would be received, orwhether or not I would be welcomed. I didn’t anticipate aconfrontation, nor did I expect to be greeted with milk andaffirmative action cookies. I knew what issue was going to bediscussed, and more importantly, I knew my position on it. Withthat said, I walked into the room confidently and took a seat.

There was a moment of tension at first — I felt like thetonsils of the meeting, with no apparent purpose but to causetrouble if not monitored and pacified. I didn’t know a singleperson in the room, which added to the night of firsts. The mood ofthe room lightened after I introduced myself to the group. Itdidn’t take long for the talk to begin.

I noticed that the door to the room stayed open so studentspassing by could easily hear or participate in the conversation.This wasn’t some sort of private Klan meeting in anundisclosed location in the forest. The president began by talkingabout the bake sale and whether or not the group was justified inhaving it on the West bridge or if details of the event should havebeen disclosed to the student center. As the meeting progressed, Ifelt compelled to throw out a disclaimer.

“I don’t want to interrupt the natural flow of themeeting,” I said. “If there is something that you wantto say or conversations and questions that you want to have or ask,don’t hold back because I’m here.”

Again, things loosened up a bit, and eventually I was directlyasked a question: “Why were some studentsoffended?”

I answered the question as best I could for an entire community,drawing from widespread opinion and personal experience. The momentI finished my answer, I realized a very important piece ofinformation. YCT is not a racist group, nor are its membersignorant. It is a group that wanted to make a point and went aboutit in a way that was to many, including myself, inappropriate.

As I continued to listen to the group’s upcoming events, arecurring thought again started to play hide-and-seek in my brain.If there was a different bake sale, would the reaction have beendifferent? What if there was an American History Bake Sale in whichwhite males got free cookies, white women paid 25 cents, blackwomen and Hispanics paid 50 cents, black males paid $1 and nativeAmericans had to pay $2 and take their cookies elsewhere to eatthem? Would it have been tolerated? I don’t know.

I do know that large viewpoints manifest themselves in smallissues. Most of the members are anti-abortion and respect peoplelike Bill O’Reilly. Most of them were warm individuals withwonderful senses of humor. But one person couldn’t seem tostop staring at me — like I would, in a single instant, jumpon the table, scream “Black Power” and jump back down,subliminally brainwashing them into the realm of pro-affirmativeaction. I didn’t, I don’t think.

I can’t help but feel concerned for the group’sfuture. How many people will trust it now? There are greekorganizations that fight the racist label, and now it could verywell fall on a campus organization. As the group prepares topurchase T-shirts, I hope that the YCT logo won’t be a flagor a target. I hope that the student center won’t ban themfrom reserving tables. Most of all, I hope that in the future, theYCT will show as much compassion, foresight, sensitivity andrespect for campus rules as it does hospitality.

The group isn’t racist. Yet minorities on this campusshould have been offended. No one on campus, no matter theincident, should ever feel afraid to attend anything. I was thelone black male in a room full of white students … kind oflike class. Except, I don’t know of a class that lists Dr.Experience as the teacher quite like this one.