Guy Talk

Time to roll back the sleeves and tighten the fists. I’mabout to take more shots than a veteran boozer on his 21stbirthday. I might pull a Golota and hit you below the belt. Maybe aTyson and take a chunk out of your ear. Pull a Gump —don’t think so. You won’t see me run scared. Iain’t never scared.

To all the big wigs out there, pay attention. I’m pointingmy finger at you, and it isn’t the one reserved for TCU fans.That “important” meeting you have scheduled might haveto wait. I spent over three years building this frustration, andbefore I pull a Mount St. Helens on you, we need to talk.

I have used all of my energy trying to create betteropportunities for students at this university. Now it is our turnto get something in return. Pretend it is prom night: I paid fordinner; I paid for the limo; I bought the tickets to the dance; andI rented the hotel room. Time to cash in on my investment. No man,keep your pants on; this isn’t about that.

Four years ago I started working for the intramural department.When I arrived, we had no boss; students ran the show. I remind youthat this is one of the largest student organizations on campus.There are over 3,000 participants every year. Yet I make less money($7.50 an hour) dealing with drunk, rowdy fans and stubbornstudents than I do rolling sandwiches and dealing with tired,hungry and hung-over students. I don’t care if the StudentSenate, the university’s financial department or Bill Gatescreates the budget. Open your eyes; the department deservesmore.

Speaking of sports, let’s talk about the new Dedman Centerexpansion. I’m part of a committee that is supposed to createa plan to accommodate all of the students’ needs in the nearfuture. However, there are multiple stipulations. One of which is avery restrictive budget. We have been asked to design a structureto fit student, staff and faculty needs within a budget. By the endof the process, we will have made so many cuts that the buildingwill be outdated before it is even completed. It almost feels likesomeone left us a donkey, bag of bananas and a stack of bricks andsaid, “Now build a brilliant structure that fits our Georgianstyle.”

It isn’t freakin’ possible.

Unrealistic would be the word I’m looking for.

The top dogs would be willing to go without men’sbathrooms and stairs if it meant the building would look good fromthe outside. If you want to build a building for the future, youhave to be willing to invest in the future.

I can see it now. One student asks, “Excuse me sir, how doyou get to the second floor?” The other answers, “Oh,that is easy. Just climb the rope on the wall and hop the railing;the stairs didn’t fit into the budget, but doesn’t theoutside look great?”

I am on a roll with sports. Don’t stop me now.

I have only missed one home football game in three years. I havemissed two men’s soccer home games. I have only missed sixmen’s basketball home games. I have seen a number ofwomen’s soccer games, two swimming events and a women’svolleyball game. No life? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just a huge fanof the athletes that give this campus national recognition.

As far as I know, I’m the only person to get arrested forsupporting the Mustangs. Last year at the football home opener, thesame game in which the grass above the end zone caught on fire,Dano booked me and took me to the sober box. Problem was, I wassober. My crime was horrendous — cheering in a sectionunoccupied by fans and then refusing to leave as the small riotsquad cleared the section. I can’t think of a morecatastrophic event, except maybe a communist invasion. So you wantus there, you want our support, but you want us to sit up innosebleed with a pair of binoculars so that the rest of the localnobility may watch from up close. Good luck creating a buzz aroundthe athletic department without your student body. Speaking ofwhich, I also belong to a student committee that is supposed togenerate interest in Mustang athletics around campus. Problem: wehave as much funding as the guy who sits on the corner of 75 andMockingbird. Check that — he even has more money to work withthan we do.

I know the money is out there; I see the cars you drive. I knowthe money is out there; I see the suits that you wear. I know themoney is out there; I see the houses you live in. If I’mgoing to continue to throw my hard earned money intosomebody’s pocket, I should at least go to the Million DollarSaloon where I’m guaranteed to get a little something inreturn.

Now for something completely different. I don’t drink atschool, so I witness weekend events first-hand. Did you know thatthis is technically a dry campus — unless you are in a frathouse and it is in a cup and the door is closed? Or unless you areon the Boulevard and you keep it in a plastic cup. In which case,you could be 6 years old and running around in Superman underwear.Your parents have a better chance of getting a parking ticket thanyou do getting booked for underage drinking.

Last time I checked, beer was invented when the adults runningthis campus went to school — which I would be willing to betmeans some of them drank in college. Which I would be willing tobet means some of them realize that drinking is all over thiscampus. Which I would be willing to bet means that their efforts tocurb the problem are nothing more than unrealistic attempts to saveface.

How can you have different stances on the same problem dependingon the day of the week? Why isn’t there one set of rulesfollowed the entire year? There must be an alternative to justplacing blame on all of the frat houses.

It just might require a little effort. It will probably take adrunk student stealing an elephant from the zoo and running itacross the campus through the fountain before the problem is takenseriously.

My resume includes writing for the paper and working for SMU-TV.I have played club rugby and club soccer. I have worked at MustangCorral, hosted the talent show and the homecoming pep rally. I workfor the intramural department and have worked with the spiritdepartment. I was dressed as Peruna at a number of sporting eventstwo years ago. I have attempted to walk onto the soccer andfootball teams, and I train with the women’s soccer team.I’m part of the SMAC and the Dedman Expansion Committee.However, self-promotion has never been the goal. I’m involvedprimarily to interact with fellow students and create a positiveexperience at this university. When I leave in May, I want to knowthat I have left something behind for the Ponies of the future.

So sack up, and don’t use your secretary to write back. Mye-mail address is listed below. I don’t want your manilapiece of paper with a bunch of signatures; it will mean nothing tome. I want to know that you are willing to invest in this studentbody. Without us, you would be out of a job.

For questions, comments or concerns, please e-mail Guy [email protected].