Who is the single guy? Clark Castle

Are you tired of only hearing crickets when you’re under the sheets? Sounds like you need to bring your stereo with you next time. A little bit of music can go a long way anywhere, but especially in the bedroom. I’m not talking about the slow jams that your parents are used to. I’m talking about, as Sir Mix-A-Lot put it, “triple-X throw down” music. Give one, or all, of these 12 songs a try next time the crickets start to get under your skin.

Honorable Mention #1: Tweet – “Oops Oh My” – A song about self-love is not a song for lovers, although the catchy beat and racy lyrics could be of some use. However, all in all, the furthest you’ll probably get with this song is foreplay.

Honorable Mention #2: Marvin Gaye – “Sexual Healing” – A nice slow groove that would probably be best played out in front of a fire on a rainy night. A classic song with great lyrics, this song has what it takes to make the evening special. Still, this song does not have the raunchiness to make the list.

#10: TLC – “Red Light Special” – Who would have thought that one red light bulb could cause such an experience in the bedroom? This song is slow and sensual, just what you need for a good night. For added effect, actually use a red light.

#9: Madonna – “Justify My Love” – When the video is too hot for MTV, you know the song belongs on a list such as this. Video aside, the song is a guilty pleasure in itself. A hardcore beat and a mellow voice make a perfect match. This song calls for a blindfold.

#8: Nine Inch Nails – “Deeper” – If you don’t know the words to this song, you’re either over 30 or a virgin. If you’re the second, skip this column, it isn’t for you. With lyrics unspeakable in public, this song is a great way to get a message across in the bedroom. Enough said.

#7: LL Cool J – “Doin’ It” – When you mix smooth rapping and a female voice that seems to be in pain, the ideal result is this song. Overall, this song is a great slow rap that can be used for just about any occasion. No doubt, you’ll want to play this one over and over and over.

#6: Busta Rhymes and Janet Jackson – “What’s It Gonna Be?” – It’s a known fact that Janet is eye candy, but in this song she dishes out some ear candy. Oh yeah, Busta Rhymes is in the song too. I have no doubt in my mind when I say that this song can put anyone in the mood.

#5: 112 – “Anywhere” – This is a great song, but let it be more of a lesson. Just listen to the lyrics to get an idea for new and exciting places to explore. Just do so in the privacy of your own home, please.

#4: Khia – “My Neck, My Back” – This song needs no introduction. It’s raunchy, nasty and everything in between. Let me point out that most girls hate this song. However, if they were smart, they would adopt it as an anthem. Hey ladies, it’s your loss.

#3: D’Angelo – “How Does it Feel?” – The perfect slow jam for the list. This song probably isn’t all that well known to those who aren’t into R&B, but give it a try. Not only is it relaxing, it opens the door to an evening with all the amenities of a night with that special someone. For bonus points, pick up some chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.

#2: R. Kelly – “Bump and Grind” – R. Kelly “doesn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.” Why should anyone else? With this song, satisfaction is guaranteed. This song can also double as a love song. (Wink, Wink)

#1: Lil Kim and Sisqo – “How Many Licks?” – True, it’s probably not the nastiest song on the list, but it’s by far the most creative. After all, it plays off the famous Tootsie Pop ads. It’s the one that can heat up any situation no matter where you are.

Creative, bold, nasty and fun. Who could ask for more?

I’m not saying that these songs are guaranteed to make things in the bedroom better, but surely one, if not all, of them can at least heat things up for a night. I hope I’ve provided you with a well-rounded list of songs both fast and slow and songs that can fit any occasion. Most importantly, I hope these songs give you a break from the crickets for at least a night.

Clark Castle is a sophomore advertising and corporate communications and public affairs major. This native New Yorker is addicted to playing tennis and watching independent films. When searching for his soul mate he’s seeking many “‘ho’s in different area codes.”