No garlic required
Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of going to MacAllen , to meet my girlfriend’s family. With my new (used) car, we saddled up and began our journey to south Texas.
It only took us two minutes to hit our first speed bump on trip. The air conditioner was blowing out hot air. Mind you, it was 98 degrees, and driving on the highway with the windows down sucks, but it was better than the alternative, which was driving 8 hours with the windows up. We buckled down, loaded up on water and headed down I-35.
Within 20 minutes the water, which was purchased out of a fridge, was borderline hot. The leather in the car was beginning to burn, and if it weren’t for a stop at Chick-Fil-A, we would have been in trouble.
Side note: What the hell is Predator 2 doing on AMC? The name of the channel is American Movie Classics, and they have the audacity to show Predator 2. What a scary world we live in.
After being replenished by a chicken sandwich, fries and a coke, our ride was going extremely smoothly. There were not a lot of cops or people on the road and the cruise control was set. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something on the side of the road (I really just glanced), but it looked like road kill of some sort. Tania got a better look. “That was a dead body!”
Needless to say, I didn’t agree. Then we found each other debating whether or not what we saw was a “human body with the legs cut off.” I will go to my grave swearing to everything holy that it wasn’t a dead body. I promise.
As we got closer to MacAllen I noticed something I had never seen before. Palm trees. I couldn’t believe it – palm trees in Texas. I couldn’t stop looking at all the palm trees, I think some people questioned my sanity as I stared in awe at these trees on regular occasion throughout the weekend.
We finally arrived at Tania’s mom’s house and right away there was a breakdown. I don’t speak Spanish. She doesn’t speak English. There was more motioning and nodding going on than when someone is asking the crowd for help on the Price is Right. Unstable? Yes. A problem? No.
Even though we had driven eight hours to get there, we were still going to go out and drink with a few of her friends. Going out in MacAllen basically boils down to going to the restaurant that is opened the latest and hanging out with the “regulars.”
One regular was the most obnoxious moron I had ever seen in my life. He is the guy who tells a joke, then laughs really loud at his joke, then reminds the table about his joke 15 minutes later and laughs even louder. This guy was getting on my nerves and if I hadn’t been really tired, I probably would have drank myself into a stupor to ignore that clown.
Side Note: I really can’t believe Predator 2 is on AMC. Sheer lunacy.
Day two was basically a “chill with the family” day. We got up and had breakfast at the “Country Omelette” and then went to H-E-B where I picked out the ingredients for the dinner I was going to make for the family. Before I made dinner, Tania and I went to the mall to pick out a present for her mom, and while we were there I saw a pair of old school Magic Johnson Converse sneakers. I should have bought them. I know that’s random, but if anyone remembers these shoes, you know they are greatness.
As I made dinner, I knew right away that I had used way too much garlic. It was too late to stop cooking and regroup, so I just served the dinner, knowing damn well there was an abundance of garlic. I sat and waited for someone to comment on the dinner. No comments. I kept waiting, asking questions like, “What do you guys think?” Nothing about the garlic. This proved something to me – no matter what the situation, 9 times out of 10 someone will go out of their way to be overly polite to someone they don’t know, especially when that person has some sort of relationship with someone in your family.
After dinner, we decided we would see a movie. After deliberation though, we decided it would be a better idea to rent a movie so we could have the Spanish subtitles on, so everyone could understand what was going on.
We returned from the video store with Panic Room, complete with French and English subtitles. I thought it was pretty funny that out of all the movies there, we chose the one without the Spanish subtitles.
Anyway, Panic Room was an average movie. We then caught some of Casino and crashed out.
Side Note: Are we really to believe that Danny Glover, who drove Miss Daisy, is gonna kill the Predator? Please. If Arnold couldn’t kill him, Danny Glover damn sure isn’t gonna get the job done.
On day three, I woke up late. Very late. I get out of bed at 11:30 a.m. and when I got out of my room, I noticed that everyone was dressed and eating breakfast. It was just like Ben Stiller in “Meet the Parents.” After some very good eggs, I prepared to watch some football. The Patriots were playing the Chargers, and due to Oakland romping the Titans I got to see the second half of the game.
I was watching it with Juan. Juan is a football gambler to the fullest extent. He had something like 13 bets going on Sunday, which I don’t get; it takes the fun out of the game.
Anyway, I am watching my beloved Patriots lose to an overrated Chargers team and this guy is getting pissed off because the Pats are going to make him lose money. That, in turn, pisses me off because he has no passion or love for the Patriots so he shouldn’t feel any way about them.
After the Pats lost, I gave Juan the semi-evil eye and got ready for the trip home. All in all, it was a great trip; her family was awesome. I hope that the next time I see them I will be able to speak and understand Spanish a little better.
Right before we left, Tania’s brother Jonathan gave me his Street Fighter poster, which is bad ass. I was very surprised and extremely happy. I couldn’t stop talking about how cool it was for him to do that.
We finally made it home after some car trouble and I can’t wait to go back and see them again. This time I won’t use so much garlic.
Final Note: Predator 2 would have been a lot better if the part of the Predator had been played by Christopher Walken.
