A girlfriend of mine approached me and asked me why I hadn’t written about fashion faux pas in quite some time. I thought about it, and I realized I am far overdue for a nice little rant about all the atrocities happening on the SMU campus. Apparently there are still scores of girls who either get dressed while still drunk, in the dark at 3 a.m. or they are just completely fashion inept.
First and foremost, I have said this before, and I will say it again: Pajamas are not appropriate attire for class, no matter how early the class starts.
Every semester, including summer terms, I have had 8 or 9 a.m. classes, and somehow I always have the time to shower and get fully dressed before going to class, even if I had only two hours of sleep the night before. Some of you might say, “Well, he’s a man, and it doesn’t take him as long to get ready.” Anyone who knows me knows I can take as much as twice the time it takes a woman to get ready for the day. Time saving tip: Pick out your clothes and decide on your overall look the night before, so you don’t have to struggle with decisions in the early morning and risk choosing an outfit that makes you look like a cow.
The next fashion abomination I would like to draw attention to is the improper use of tights, leggings and textured hosiery. There are a few ways tights should and can be worn without making you look like a complete idiot or a cheap whore. Tights look darling under a minidress (no shorter than to the tips of your fingertips when your arms are at your sides), especially fun and funky woven and textures, but always monochromatic (black or brown)-you don’t want to look like a bad ’80s stereotype. This, paired with a great pair of suede wedge boots, will keep you warm in the winter while still giving off a stylish and sexy look.
Long T-shirts are NOT the same thing as a mini-dress-they ride up and no one wants to see that much of your “student body.” Likewise, short shorts or running shorts (which should not be worn outside the gym) look like crap with tights. If it’s cold outside, you don’t need to be wearing short shorts; you might as well be wearing Uggs with a miniskirt, you moron. Another adorable way to wear tights is under a cute pair of perfectly hemmed jeans with sexy stilettos, pumps or lace-up booties. Each time you sit down, everyone will get a subtle hint of your trendy tights and think you are oh-so fashion forward.
On the subject of tights, who came up with the brilliant idea to wear rain-boots over them? You look like a freak loser who obviously can’t tell the difference between aesthetically pleasing and horrendous vomit. Tights are not suitable rain gear, and anyone who thinks so is an ignorant piece of trash.
I don’t think I have to go into it, but for those who are out of the loop, low-rise is out and high-rise is in. Jeans should be about three to four fingers under your bellybutton, any lower (unless you happen to have a super long torso) and you run the risk of exposing the kind of cleavage no one wants to see.
Furthermore, if you take a look at the high-end ready-to-wear runway shows, you may notice most of the designers are showing pants, dresses and skirts that accentuate a woman’s natural waist-a refreshing trend because drawing attention to the waist is flattering on most body types.
Last, but certainly not least, stop with the super-plunging necklines on the Boulevard. If they were cut any lower I could see if the curtains matched the carpets. Über-revealing garments lend themselves to Janet Jackson moments, and leave you looking like a poor subsitute for Tim Curry in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” A darling little sundress (sheath or strapless) covers all the right places while still giving you a feminine, girly look.
Girls, have some respect for yourselves and dress with purpose and dignity. Men are either beyond fashion help or gay enough to dress well, but the majority of girls have the ability to spruce up their looks and make a statement.
Do yourself and me a favor: Take a minute to look in the mirror sometime before you leave in the morning. If you couldn’t wear it to a moderately priced sit-down restaurant, change!
