As I sit on the stairs of Meadows quietly pondering what my next article will be about, my mind slowly drifts to the realization that I have no friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have a wife and a child on the way, but as a 24-year-old commuter student, I have no SMU friends. It may be my misanthropic attitude or just poor hygiene, but still I haven’t managed to make a single friend since arriving at the university.

SMU is a great place with many different kinds of people and it would be really nice to have a friend around here. So I made a plan.

The plan was to put a listing on Craigslist to search for a friend who attends SMU. Clearly, this would be the easiest way to make a friend.

This is the posting I came up with for Craigslist:

“Subject: Student Seeking Friend at SMU,

My name is Matt and I am an advertising major seeking an on-campus friend. Applicants should be taller than five feet and have all appendages. Any applicants must be less attractive and less humorous than me. They must also have the ability to change diapers. Attractive females need not apply – my wife will murder you. To apply, please send a friendly response and a picture of yourself. Pay based on experience.”

After only three hours, there was a response sitting in my inbox with a picture attached. It read as follows:

“Matt,

Hi! My name is Phil and I am also looking for a friend at SMU! I used to have a lot of friends here, but over the last semester they have all turned against me. Very soon, my work schedule will clear up and I will have every Saturday open to hang out. I don’t know about changing diapers, but I would be more than willing to teach your young one a sport…maybe football? Talk to you soon!

-Phil”

I quickly deleted this e-mail, because even I’m not desperate enough to be caught hanging around with Bennett. So, I went back to the waiting game.

While I was waiting for another response, I got a call from my cousin who was checking to see how my dentist appointment had gone earlier that day. We go to the same dentist, a guy who happens to have an all-female staff, and after describing to him how hot my hygienist was, my cousin said he was going to a movie and asked if I wanted to come along. I told him I couldn’t make it because I was waiting for a reply from a potential friend.

About two hours later, my computer grabbed my attention as I heard the new mail “bling” sound and ran to see the e-mail. But to my disappointment, the e-mail was a false alarm because it was just my sister inviting me to go shopping with her for my wife’s birthday. Clearly, I could not join her for fear of missing any kind of response in my search for a friend .

So far, the day was a loss. I had just started to doze off for a short nap when my buddy from work came to the door and said he was taking me to enjoy a Mavericks game on his dime.

Unfortunately, I had to decline once more because I couldn’t risk missing the possible response from a future friend.

Well, it has now been six days and I still haven’t received a response. What am I supposed to do? How will I ever make friends if no one will respond to my attempts?

Well, fine. I give up. Fate has determined that I will have no good friends or social interaction of any kind.

So, next time you see me sitting there on the steps of Meadows, typing away on my little blue MacBook, don’t just drop change into my coffee cup and walk on by. Take the time to say “hi” and just maybe we could be friends.

I’ve got to go for now, though. My pastor is calling because he wants to play golf, but I refuse to leave my computer screen just incase someone decides to send me a reply.

About the writer:

Matt Villanueva is junior advertising major. He can be reached at [email protected].